Jokes Thread

Enjoy.

Gary

Thanks Gary!

two flys are on a piece of dog sh1t having lunch. one stops eating, looks around, cocks his back leg and farts. the other fly slaps him in the mouth and shouts "you dirty *******! don't fart while i'm eating!"

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

DJG said:

Three men were walking when one suddenly collapses and dies. The police arrived, identified the dead man as John Murphy from his wallet, and started questioning the other two men.

"Do you have any idea why your friend might have died suddenly"? One of the friends scratched his head and said, "Well, it could be because he had two a$$holes".

The police officer stared at him. "Really? Are you sure?? How do you figure that"?

"Well, officer, everytime me and my brother walked into the Midnight Nightcap with John, Dave the bartender would always say "Hey, here comes Murphy with the two a$$holes".

An American, Englishman and an Australian walk into a bar. The barkeep turns round and says "What? Is this some sorta joke?!"