Jokes Thread

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed.

Then he thought for a moment.

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, 'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered!'

Dom said:

CarlTR6 said:

steve-pressman said:

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

Are we referring to Tews here?

Tews said:

Dom said:

CarlTR6 said:

Are we referring to Tews here?

Are you admitting something Tom?

Who, Me?

Dom said:

Tews said:

Dom said:

Are we referring to Tews here?

Are you admitting something Tom?

Tews said:

Who, Me?

I'm not saying. But don't worry, Tom. Your secret is safe with us.

Dwarf said:

Dom said:

Tews said:

Are you admitting something Tom?

Tews said:

Who, Me?

I'm not saying. But don't worry, Tom. Your secret is safe with us.

Does 'us' include me?

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steve-pressman said:

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked...

That is hilarious! I love it the idiot was referred to Microsoft.