Jokes Thread [3]

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My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home Built
OS
Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
CPU
Phenom II X6 1100T
Motherboard
ASUS M5A99X EVO
Memory
Crucial Balistic 8gb DDR3-1866 CL9
Graphics Card(s)
MSI R6850 Cyclone IGD5 PE
Sound Card
On Board
Monitor(s) Displays
ASUS VE258Q 25" LED with DVI-HDMI-DisplayPort
Screen Resolution
1920 x 1080
Hard Drives
Two WD Cavier Black 2TB Sata III, WD My Book Essential 2TB USB 3.0
PSU
Seasonic X650 80 Plus GOLD Modular
Case
Corsair 400R
Cooling
Antec Kuhler H2O 620, Two 120mm and four 140mm
Keyboard
Logitech K120
Mouse
Logitech Marble Mouse USB, Logitech Precision Game Pad
Internet Speed
15MB
Antivirus
Norton IS 2013, Malwarebytes Pro Beta 2
Browser
IE-11, FF-27
Other Info
APC UPS ES 750, Netgear WNR3500L Gigabit & Wireless N Router with SamKnows Test Program, Motorola SB6120 Gigabit Cable Modem. Brother HL-2170W Laser Printer, Epson V300 Scanner

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means

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My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP Pavillion dv5t (generation 1)
OS
Vista 64 bit and 32 bit (SP2)
CPU
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo Processor T9400 (2.53 GHz
Memory
4GB DDR2 System Memory (2 Dimm)
Graphics Card(s)
512 MB NVIDIA GeForce 9600M GT
Monitor(s) Displays
15.4" diagonal WSXGA+ High-Definition HP BrightView Widescre
Screen Resolution
1680 x 1050
Hard Drives
320GB 5400RPM SATA Hard Drive with HP ProtectSmart Hard Drive Protection
Keyboard
Built-in HP
Mouse
Built in - Synaptics TouchPad V6.5 on PS/2 Port
Internet Speed
Max
Other Info
~ Intel Next-Gen Wireless-N Mini-card w/Bluetooth ~ Blu-Ray ROM DVD+/-R/RW ~ Integ. HDTV Hybrid Tuner ~ 12 Cell Battery ~ MS Office (Home Premium) 2007 ~

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Acer Aspire XC-704 x64 bit/ Asus K55A Notebook PC/HP Envy x360 Convertible 15-bq0xx
OS
Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
CPU
Intel Pentium J3710 @ 60GHz/Intel B820,1.7GHz/AMD A9 Radeon
Motherboard
Acer Aspire XC-704 (SOCKET 0)/Asus/HP 8312 (Socket FP4)
Memory
8.00GB DDR3 @ 1599MHz/8GB 2 x 4GB DDR3/8.00GB Dual-Channel
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics/Intel/512MB ATI AMD Radeon R5 Graphics (HP
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition Audio/Onboard/AMD High Definition Au
Monitor(s) Displays
Acer LCD K222HQL /Asus 15.6/Generic PnP Monitor (1920x1080@6
Screen Resolution
1920x1080@59Hz/1366 x 768/1920x1080@60Hz
Hard Drives
1863GBWesternn Digital WDC/Asus/119GB SanDisk SD8SN8U-128G-1006 (SSD)
931GB Hitachi HGST HTS721010A9E630 (SATA)
Keyboard
Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000 (UK)/Inbuilt/Inbui
Mouse
Microsoft Optical Wheel Mouse/Same plus Touchpad/Same + Pad
Internet Speed
Infinity 2 up to 76 Mbps
Antivirus
MSE/MSE/MSE and all 3 have MalwareBytes Premium
Browser
Edge, Firefox/Edge, Firefox/Edge, Firefox, Chrome
Other Info
Seagate Expansion 500GB External Desktop Drive
Seagate Expansion Portable Drives 500GB and 1TB
Epson XP-332 Wireless Printer

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Custom Build
OS
Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
CPU
Intel i7-3930K
Motherboard
ASUS P9X79 WS
Memory
Kingston HyperX Genesis 32GB Kit (8x4GB Modules) 1600MHz DDR
Graphics Card(s)
MSI R7850 Twin Frozr 2GD5/OC Radeon HD 7850 2GB 256-bit GDDR
Sound Card
Asus Xonar Essence STX
Monitor(s) Displays
3x Asus VG248QE 24", Vizio 32" TV
Screen Resolution
1920 x 1080, ?
Hard Drives
Samsung 128GB 840 Pro SSD (1),
Samsung 4TB 850 EVO SSDs (4)
Samsung 4TB 850 EVO SSDs (16) external backup drives used in 2.5" hot swap bays in the computer.
PSU
Corsair HX750w
Case
Antec Two Hundred v2 (modified)
Cooling
Cooler Master GeminII S524 120mm (fan replaced with a 140mm)
Keyboard
Logitech G510s
Mouse
Logitech M525 (two in use)
Internet Speed
=< 32Mbps down, 8Mbps up
Antivirus
AVAST!, MBAM, SAS, Spybot S&D (all but MBAM free) Glary Util
Browser
IE11
Other Info
LSI 9211-8i HBA card (8 SATA III ports), 2.5" & 3.5" Hot Swap Bays, HooToo HT-CR001 PCI-E to USB 3.0 Internal Hub + 6 Slot Card Reader, and LG Model CH12LS28 BD-ROM Optical Drive. Also, ScanSnap S1500 ADF duplexing scanner, Canon 9000F flat bed scanner, Corsair SP2500 2.1 speakers, Samsung CLP 415nw laser color printer, Cyberpower PP2200SW UPS
OK, back on track...

A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat it, he ends up with ice cream all over his beak.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A Guy
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
OS
Windows 10 Home x64
CPU
INTEL Core i5-750 Quad-Core 3.37GHz
Motherboard
ASUS P7P55D
Memory
HyperX Fury Black Series 8GB (2 x 4GB) 1866Mhz
Graphics Card(s)
EVGA GeForce GTX 750 Superclocked 1GB 128-Bit GDDR5
Monitor(s) Displays
LG 32MA68HY 32" IPS
Screen Resolution
1920 x 1080
Hard Drives
Samsung 840 Evo 120GB, SEAGATE 500GB Barracuda® 7200.12, SATA 3 Gb/s, 7200 RPM, 16MB cache
PSU
ANTEC TruePower New TP-550, 80 PLUS, 550W
Case
ANTEC Three Hundred Illusion
Cooling
COOLER MASTER Hyper 212 Plus, 4 x 120mm 1 x 140mm Noctua's
Internet Speed
85 + Mbps
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
Vivaldi
ok, back on track...

A vacationing penguin is driving his through arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat it, he ends up with ice cream all over his beak.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

The mechanic looks up and says "it looks like you blew a seal."

"no no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

a guy

groan.;);););)
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home Built
OS
Windows `10 Professional 64bit
CPU
Intel i5 [email protected]
Motherboard
MSI P67A-GD55 (MS7681)
Memory
Corsair Vengeance DDR3 1600 16G
Graphics Card(s)
NVIDIA GeForce GT520 1GHz
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
Haans G 241
Screen Resolution
1600X1024
Hard Drives
Crucial MX100 256GB SSD
PSU
OCZ ModXStream Modular High Performance 500 Watt
Case
Rosewill Challenger-U3
Cooling
Just Fans
Keyboard
Kensington K64338B
Mouse
Microsoft wheel mouse 1.1A
Internet Speed
240.0 Mbps
Antivirus
ESET Internet Security
Browser
Firefox
Other Info
SuperAntiSpyware-Pro
Malwarebytes (Premium)
Kerish Doctor
News Paper

I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.


'This is the 21st century,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can use my iPad.'


I can tell you this, that damn fly never knew what hit it...
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home built
OS
windows 7 pro 64
CPU
Amd phenom II x4 955 black edition deneb 3.2 ghz
Motherboard
Msi 790fx-gd70
Memory
Crucial 8gb ddr3 sdram 1333
Graphics Card(s)
Xfx hd 4870 1gb 256bit pci express 2.0x16
Monitor(s) Displays
Dell 2408 wfp
Hard Drives
wd caviar se16 320gb 7200 rpm sata
PSU
Antec trupower quattro TPQ 1000w
Case
Antec twelve hundred
Cooling
stock
Keyboard
Microsoft 4000
Mouse
Microsoft intellimouse
I was visiting a friend last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.


'This is the 21st century,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can use my iPad.'


I can tell you this, that damn fly never knew what hit it...
I knew an iPad must be good for something. ;)

fliPad :D Who knew!!!
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Hopalong/ Godzilla
OS
Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
CPU
Intel Core i7-870 Lynnfield 2.93GHz LGA 1156 95W Quad-Core
Motherboard
ASUS P7P55D-E PRO
Memory
8GB@1400MHz Crucial Ballistix DDR3-1600 4x2GB
Graphics Card(s)
ASUS ENGTX460 DirectCU/2DI/1GD5 1GB 256-bit GDDR5
Sound Card
VIA Onboard
Monitor(s) Displays
Asus VS248H-P 24"; Samsung SyncMaster 941BW 19"ws
Screen Resolution
1920x1080; 1440x900
Hard Drives
Samsung 830 120GB SSD
Intel 320 120GB SSD
Western Digital Caviar Black WD7501AALS 750GB 7200 RPM SATA 3.0Gb/s
Western Digital Caviar Black WD6401AALS 640GB 7200 RPM SATA 3.0Gb/s
PSU
COOLER MASTER Silent Pro RS850-AMBAJ3-US 850W Modular
Case
COOLER MASTER HAF 932 RC-932-KKN5-GP Black
Cooling
Scythe "Mugen-2 Rev.B" (2 ScytheKaze-Jyuni PWM fans)
Keyboard
Logitech K-320
Mouse
Kensington
Antivirus
Avast Inernet Suite
Browser
IE 9 ; Chrome
Jane and Arlene...

:roflmao:

:ditto::roflmao:

Cell phone in public

After a busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes
as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled
out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's
Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four
thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the
accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life
- yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly, when the young woman
sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe,
yelled at the top of her voice: "Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and
come back to bed!"

Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public anymore.

View attachment 228231
 
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My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Self assembled
OS
Windows 10 Home 64Bit
CPU
Intel Core i5 10400 @ 2.90GHz
Motherboard
Intel Corporation DG41WV (PROCESSOR)
Memory
8.00GB Single-Channel Unknown @ 1329MHz (16-20-20-38)
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
DELL E170S
Screen Resolution
1280x1024 pixels
Hard Drives
931GB TOSHIBA DT01ACA100 (SATA)
238GB TEAM TM8PS7256G (SATA SSD)
Case
Nothing Fancy
Cooling
Fans
Keyboard
A4 Tech Co LTD
Mouse
A4 Tech Co Ltd/Logitech
Internet Speed
25 Mbps
...
 
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My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Dell Hell oh Well
OS
Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
CPU
Intel Core 2 Duo 2.93GHz
Memory
Not much with my ADHD
Graphics Card(s)
ATI Radeon HD 4350
Monitor(s) Displays
24" HDTV/Monitor
Screen Resolution
Blurry after a Scotch or 2
Hard Drives
1 HDD 250 GB, 1 HDD 1 TB, 3 - 1 TB Externals
Case
Don't get on my case...man :D
Cooling
I have an Air Conditioner & Diet Pepsi
Keyboard
Saitek Cyborg
Mouse
10 yr old MS optical mouse that still works
Internet Speed
Never fast enough
Antivirus
Various
Browser
Various
There is this butcher who is 6foot 8". Wears size 14 shoes. Guess what he weighs?

Answer: Sausages.
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Advent
OS
Dual-boot: Windows 7 HP 32-bit SP1 & Windows XP Pro 32-bit SP2.
CPU
AMD Phenom X4 9550 2.8Ghz
Motherboard
FOXCONN A6VMX (Socket 940)
Memory
4.0GB RAM
Graphics Card(s)
256MB On-board ATI Radeon X1200 Series
Sound Card
UnKnown
Monitor(s) Displays
19" TFT Mointor
Screen Resolution
1400 by 900
Hard Drives
500GB Western Digital WDC
Keyboard
HP Keyboard
Internet Speed
Dial-up via Mobile phone (Three)
Other Info
80GB External Hard-drive.

Also I have an old Windows XP Laptop for backup/occasional use etc.
BOO!;)
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home Built
OS
Windows `10 Professional 64bit
CPU
Intel i5 [email protected]
Motherboard
MSI P67A-GD55 (MS7681)
Memory
Corsair Vengeance DDR3 1600 16G
Graphics Card(s)
NVIDIA GeForce GT520 1GHz
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
Haans G 241
Screen Resolution
1600X1024
Hard Drives
Crucial MX100 256GB SSD
PSU
OCZ ModXStream Modular High Performance 500 Watt
Case
Rosewill Challenger-U3
Cooling
Just Fans
Keyboard
Kensington K64338B
Mouse
Microsoft wheel mouse 1.1A
Internet Speed
240.0 Mbps
Antivirus
ESET Internet Security
Browser
Firefox
Other Info
SuperAntiSpyware-Pro
Malwarebytes (Premium)
Kerish Doctor
I Ask To Borrow A Newspaper


I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, he said. 'I don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPad.'



I can tell you this, that damn fly never knew what hit him.
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
ATT00001 (1)rabbit.jpg


Have a great week-end!
THW


ps. I am at home... hehehehe
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP M9077c
OS
Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
CPU
Intel(R)Core(TM)2 quad [email protected] 2.39GHz
Motherboard
ASUSeK
Memory
6GB DDR2 6400
Graphics Card(s)
GeForce 8500/512MB
Sound Card
Realtek High Def Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
HP w2408 LCD 24" widescreen
Screen Resolution
1920x1200
Cooling
6 pack of Bud
Keyboard
MS wireless Inteli
Mouse
MS wireless Inteli

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
Wives never forget their old boy friends


Husband took the wife to a disco dance hall on the weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor giving it his all....

large leaps, breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works!

The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy?

30 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's STILL celebrating!!!
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
Yet another good one LPt1!!
 

My Computer My Computer

OS
Windows 7 Ultimate x64
Thank you F5ing.. :D
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
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