Are good manners and chivalry dead?

[seavixen32]

As a youngster a good many years ago I was taught that chivalry and good manners were signs of a good upbringing.

I stand up when a lady enters the room or joins the table in a restaurant, I gladly hold a door open for the fairer sex and I will not hesitate to give up my seat on the bus to someone who obviously needs it more than I do, but two things have happened this week to make me question whether chivalry and manners are indeed on the wane.

In the first, I asked a young woman to take her dirty shoes off the seat so that I could sit down when I got on a bus and received a load of foul-mouthed abuse for my pains. I've never hit a woman yet, but I came mighty close that time.

In the second, I held a shop door open for a young lady behind me who lambasted me for patronising her.

Am I wrong in thinking the way I do or do our women prefer good manners and politeness?

My wife thinks I'm being too sensitive to others, but I happen to believe that a civilised society is measured by the way its citizens treat each other, so come on ladies, am I right or am I just an old Luddite who's wasting his breath?

 

[Arc]

Andy, do what you think equitable, and dont expect anything in return .

Personally I dont give any privilege to the women when I deal with them, coz I found them as good as me , in all respects . Even they are not physically weak nowadays, too . I also noticed that they mostly dont like chivalry .... and about good manners, it varies person to person , based on family background, education, association, etc many variables

Well, I am talking about ladies of my generation

 

[pparks1]

It certainly is on the decline. However, I find that I do things similar to you. I hold doors open (but I do this for men, women and children). I've never experienced a woman yelling at me for patronizing her though...guess i have been lucky.

I will let a person go ahead of me in the grocery store if they have just a few items. I shovel the sidewalks for my neighbors when it snows and I am the first one out in the morning. And I will gladly give up my seat to another person if people are standing.

 

[Athene]

As a lady, I must say that I regard it as a sign of very poor manners if the door is not held open (especially if I'm carrying a tall stack of books or have both hands occupied, which often happens) or if someone places their dirty shoes on the seat - that's disgusting and anti-social.
Whether guy or gal - a display of antisocial behaviour is a sign of lacking respect...and courtesy certainly seems to be dying a painful death where especially the younger generation is concerned :-/

 

[noobvious]

I think manners are on the decline.

As far as me personally, I'll hold the door for anyone if they're within a few steps. If someone lambasted me for actually holding a door for them, I would just walk away, but for a split second I'd think about what it would feel like to slam the door on them.

The young woman on the bus that seavixen32 mentions, if I had been in that situation I would certainly have been tempted to give her a piece of my mind in equivalent language. Would I have actually done it? Probably not.....depends on how far she had gone. I do think of myself as a nice guy, after all.

 

[severedsolo]

Just my $0.02....

I personally see equality as a two way street. My attitude is very much, I will not treat a woman any differently than I would treat a man. You can't pick and choose which bits you want, its all or nothing in my book.

Having said that, I will personally open the door for anyone if they are close enough, I wouldn't get up to open a door for a woman, but if I am going through the door, and they are behind me, or have their hands full, then I would hold it, just like I would for anyone else.

Certainly, I think chivalry is, or at least should be dead. Manners on the other hand, are a different story. If someone gives me an earful for holding a door for them, I would just turn around and say "Well fine, next time I'll let it slam in your face" and walk away.

 

[pebbly]

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it :shock:

 

[noobvious]

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it :shock:

:roflmao:

 

[seavixen32]

Pebbly - you're too much! :roflmao:

 

[Arc]

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it :shock:

:roflmao:

 

[Athene]

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it :shock:

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Imperfect1]

I think good manners are essential, and to me, chivalry is very much appreciated. I am especially touched when people are kind and thoughtful to everyone, and it's so sad that it doesn't happen all that often, nowadays. But specifically on the question of chivalry, I'm a very accomplished professional woman and that doesn't conflict with my appreciating a door being held open for me, or a gentleman offering me his seat, or standing when I approach a table. So THANK YOU, for those of you who still do these lovely gestures that many of us still appreciate.

 

[seavixen32]

Imperfect1, with views like that you must be a nice person, which is all important in my book.

As an example, we live near a young, professional couple who are both out at work each day. They have a King Charles Cavalier dog, which is taken out on regular walks before his owners go out to work and after work when they get home.

Anyway, we got talking one day and asked if they would mind us taking Harry (the dog!) out for a walk during the day. They readily agreed, had a set of house keys cut for us so that we could let ourselves in, and the pay off for us is quite simple: as older people we now have no excuse for not keeping fit, we can share a delightful dog and we have made friends with our young neighbours who trust us implicitly.

So, my point is this: if we make the effort to try and be nice to each other, our quality of life is vastly improved.

As for chivalry and good manners, it is said that manners maketh a man. That's good enough for me.

 

[giblets]

Wow, all this time I thought we were holding the doors for women to get a view of the backside?!?!

 

[mjf]

I think we have always had a stronger interest in ourselves and family but what hits me is the extent to which it is becoming totally self focused.
Yes I think the basic manners given to strangers is on the decline.

Males and females are physically different (I know), are psychologically different (I believe and hope), are equal (I know). I like it that way.

I'll hold a door open for a women and most are very appreciative. I'll hold a door ajar behind me for a male following close behind and it is generally expected.

 

[smarteyeball]

In the first, I asked a young woman to take her dirty shoes off the seat so that I could sit down when I got on a bus and received a load of foul-mouthed abuse for my pains. I've never hit a woman yet, but I came mighty close that time.

Sadly, it's not just the females that come sort of behaviour. I've been on the receiving end of abuse like that for the same thing. It can drive you wild.

In the second, I held a shop door open for a young lady behind me who lambasted me for patronising her.

It's her issue - not yours. I've found that the "leave here and fornicate with yourself" attitude is the appropriate response.

I once let a door I was holding swing back on a woman part way through her feminist lambaste. From the look on her face as I turned away, she liked that even less than chivalry

Am I wrong in thinking the way I do or do our women prefer good manners and politeness?

No, you're not wrong. But generally speaking, neither are they to a point.

They are growing up in a world where the value of manners and politeness are not being taught and reinforced to the degree that it once was. They know no different. This is equally applicable to both males and females.

As a general rule I am equally polite and mindful of others. If I have a bias towards 'antiquated manners', admittedly it's towards females - but it's not something I'm going to change about myself.

Where my tolerance ends is with the attitude. Ignorance can be understood. It can be changed. Foul attitude? Male or female - forget it. Not worth defecating on.


In a way, the onus falls upon those of us who value manners and politeness to lead by example. For every vile creature you encounter, there are plenty more who are actually appreciative.

 

[profdlp]

Always do the right thing. If someone else doesn't like it then the fault lies with them, not you.

(Not that you need to always point that out to them...)

 

[A Guy]

Are good manners and chivalry dead?

No sir. For every grunting teen, I (hope) there is a Dom, or a Jaidyn. It is how you are taught, and it doesn't have to be said, a parents example is a great teacher. I seriously think the internet is the biggest influence. But I am an optimist, and I am polite. Heck, I thank the toll taker for taking my money

A Guy

 

[Arc]

Are good manners and chivalry dead?

No sir. For ever grunting teen, I (hope) there is a Dom, or a Jaidyn. It is how you are taught, and it doesn't have to be said, a parents example is a great teacher. I seriously think the internet is the biggest influence. But I am an optimist, and I am polite. Heck, I thank the toll taker for taking my money

A Guy

We should treat the others as exceptions . Every-time there are a few of them they are not that well behaving :sarc:

Moreover, I totally agree with what Andy as he said manners makes a man ... manners makes a human being .

 

[marsmimar]

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it :shock:

And all these years I thought my father was being polite when he held a door open for my mother!