Can't update anything on Windows

[xenole]

About 3 days ago, my laptop fan started to spin up and now runs constantly at near full speed regardless of whether I'm doing anything (cleaned, ventilated etc and nothing has changed).

Decided to format my drive and reinstall Windows 7.

All went well until I started to try an use Windows Update.
It came up with something saying I needed a bit of software and that it would close and re-open when done.
That worked fine I assume.
Then it began looking for updates and hours later, still in a loop.

Formatted again and reinstalled, this time not putting any additional software such as virus protection, VLC etc on the drive.
Exactly the same thing.

Went to the Microsoft website as I can use Facebook, YouTube etc due to my browser being out of date (IE8) and I can't install things to make anything run.
Eventually found IE11, selected it to install, hit to download but and nothing except "thanks for downloading IE11" and instructions on how to run it yet no boxes / windows are opening, no files have been downloaded to run etc.

Did try installing Chrome the first time and that works fine.

Also, my boot up times were 12-20secs previously and now a good 2 minutes (after the first install, way longer if it even started at all).

 

[ThrashZone]

Hi and welcome to SevenForums,
Mag download,
Select all and copy and paste the report contents here,
http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkID=52012

The absence of these 2 updates KB3020369 & KB3172605 will cause your issue

It's a lot easier to clean install these days with the unofficial sp2
There are essentially 3 updates needed for a clean install of windows that will get you updated through April of 2016

KB3020369 & KB3125574 & KB3172605 all can be downloaded from the catalog using internet explorer
Microsoft Update Catalog

https://blogs.technet.microsoft.com...17/simplifying-updates-for-windows-7-and-8-1/
When manually installing updates you need to switch your update settings to Never check for updates and restart the machine first.

After restart you will need to ensure the built in windows update service is stopped and set to manual first too or it will conflict with the stand alone installer.

Afterwards reset the windows updates service to what it was before and update settings to your preference and check for updates
Should be only 50 or so updates left to install.

 

[Megahertz07]

Do you have two drives, one SSD and one HDD?
I'm asking because Windows normally boots in 12-20secs on a SSD and 2 to 3 min in a HDD.
For the updates:
KB3125574 contains all the security and non-security fixes released since the release of Windows 7 SP1 that are suitable for general distribution, up through April 2016.
It’s single, Multi language, 488MB update file (msu). On a recent installation, you must have first to install KB3020369.

 

[MtnGoatXJ]

Thank you to TrashZone for both easy to understand instructions, and links to make everything work again.

One question though, WTF is wrong with M$ to screw up a simple and necessary process when reloading the W7 OS?
Unbelievable that these jokers are so far off their rockers to sabotage the W7 users.