I am certainly not in that class. I run Windows 7 and 8.1 side by side with Mint and Zorin. I used to also have Ubuntu but since they came out with the Unity UI and Gnome 3, I gave it up. The only system I really don't like any more is Fedora - too much terminal work. That is too tiresome for an old man, LOL.
Much like you, I'm an old guy too, and have experienced similar likes and dislikes with Linux. For several years now, though Debian is probably my favorite distro, I've been involved with the development process for both Xubuntu and Ubuntu (under a different user name than "Bluesan"), and recently, I tried Unity again, and it's much changed. And, unlike you I guess, I do use the terminal extensively.
Currently, I'm running a dual boot of Windows 7, and the development version of Ubuntu 14.04, which is the one I'm on right now - see screenshot.
Like you, I'm sure, I go back to the original browser wars between Netscape and Internet Explorer, and though I probably could have, I've never held a grudge against Microsoft, and have always run the latest Windows version on one of my machines to stay in touch with what they're doing. (Yes, I have tried Windows 8, and it's a no go for me. Window 9, or 8.2, or whatever they'll call it, I hope will be to Windows 8, what Windows 7 was to Vista.)
I committed to Linux +/- 10 years ago, but, I do enjoy Windows 7, and though I don't post often, I visit here frequently.
Take care, and have a good week...
Edit:
Added Ubuntu 14.04 screenshot