Jokes Thread [3]

[dreamer]

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She stares at them for a moment, then she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side of her own head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

 

[dreamer]

German tourist arrives at french airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The german replies: "No, no, just visiting!"

 

[Joan Archer]

Don't know if this has been posted yet just seen it in one of my newsgroups.

A worrying thought for 2012 ...



10 years ago Bob Hope died

5 years ago Johnny Cash died

A couple of months ago Steve Jobs died

A few weeks ago Jimmy Saville died

Now we have no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs and nobody left to Fix It.



Let's hope nothing happens to Ed Balls!

 

[seavixen32]

Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

"Balls, stand to attention!"

"Balls, pull yourself together!"

"Balls, stop fidgeting!"

"Balls, get your bloody act together!"

 

[Hopalong X]

Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

"Balls, stand to attention!"

"Balls, pull yourself together!"

"Balls, stop fidgeting!"

"Balls, get your bloody act together!"

.....or "Yes sir, Major B...."

 

[stevieray]

Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

"Balls, stand to attention!"

"Balls, pull yourself together!"

"Balls, stop fidgeting!"

"Balls, get your bloody act together!"

... or "Fall out, Balls!" Yikes!

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

"Balls, stand to attention!"

"Balls, pull yourself together!"

"Balls, stop fidgeting!"

"Balls, get your bloody act together!"

... or "Fall out, Balls!" Yikes!

.... or "At Ease, Balls!

 

[profdlp]

I guess it might be redundant to say "Balls, on the double..."

 

[seavixen32]

[/QUOTE]... or "Fall out, Balls!" Yikes![/QUOTE]

Oh dear, I wish I'd thought of that one!

 

[Dwarf]

If he manages to climb a ladder, is it a Balls-up ?

 

[The Howling Wolves]

If he is the catering business, is it "Balls To Go?"

 

[Phone Man]

Reminds me of my favorite novels.

"Tigers Revenge" by Claude Balls.

or "Under the Bleachers" by Seymour Butts.


Jim

 

[Hopalong X]

"Fifty Yards to the Outhouse"

by Will E. Maykit

 

[seavixen32]

Some time ago while I was exploring London I saw a hardware store across the street, which had a beautifully engraved sign over the door with what was obviously the shopkeeper's name and his trade.

It said simply "Roger's Toolworks" to reflect the hand tools hanging in the front display window.

On the wall alongside the sign, some wag had scrawled in chalk "So Does Mine".

To this day, it makes me smile every time I'm reminded of it.

 

[profdlp]

Some time ago while I was exploring London I saw a hardware store across the street, which had a beautifully engraved sign over the door with what was obviously the shopkeeper's name and his trade.

It said simply "Roger's Toolworks" to reflect the hand tools hanging in the front display window.

On the wall alongside the sign, some wag had scrawled in chalk "So Does Mine".

To this day, it makes me smile every time I'm reminded of it.

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[seavixen32]

I think I may have brightened your day, Prof.

 

[profdlp]

Without a doubt.

 

[panais]

Some time ago while I was exploring London I saw a hardware store across the street, which had a beautifully engraved sign over the door with what was obviously the shopkeeper's name and his trade.

It said simply "Roger's Toolworks" to reflect the hand tools hanging in the front display window.

On the wall alongside the sign, some wag had scrawled in chalk "So Does Mine".

To this day, it makes me smile every time I'm reminded of it.

:roflmao:

 

[BugMeister]

:roflmao:

 

[pebbly]

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.