Jokes Thread [3]

[profdlp]

Thank you Mr. and Mrs Wolves. Kilroy would be welcome to my home.

He'd probably tag your fence with his wax chalk.

View attachment 193724

A Guy

See - look what he did to A Guy's post!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

LOW Battery !!!!

A man saved his girlfriend’s phone number on his mobile as “LOW BATTERY”.So whenever
she calls in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger.


Give that man a medal!

 

[jloc]

"One door closes, and another door opens" said my boss.

Which is why I'm such a poor submarine designer.

 

[Maguscreed]

Quick political one I heard today.

Waiting for the media to talk about Ron Paul is like waiting for the cast of Jersey Shore to start discussing Nietzsche.

 

[Qdos]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

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Pop it into a hot oven until it's Bill Withers...

 

[profdlp]

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[seavixen32]

Ditto! I do like that one.

 

[seavixen32]

A man went to see his doctor who asked him what the problem was.

"I can't stop singing" the man replied.

"Any particular song?" questioned his doctor.

"The green, green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome" replied the Doc.

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual!"

 

[Hopalong X]

A man went to see his doctor who asked him what the problem was.

"I can't stop singing" the man replied.

"Any particular song?" questioned his doctor.

"The green, green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome" replied the Doc.

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual!"

Why, why, why Dehlila?

 

[seavixen32]

A man went to see his doctor who asked him what the problem was.

"I can't stop singing" the man replied.

"Any particular song?" questioned his doctor.

"The green, green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome" replied the Doc.

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual!"

Why, why, why Dehlila?

Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau - if you work that one out I'll buy Topper a ton of hay!

 

[Hopalong X]

"Old Land of My Fathers"

Easy one. I knew it was Welch. Well I figured it was.

 

[seavixen32]

How the hell am I going to transport a ton of hay across the pond?

Google's too bloody handy!

 

[profdlp]

How the hell am I going to transport a ton of hay across the pond?...

Toss it in the ocean and let it float across.

(That's what I'd tell Hopalong, anyway. )

 

[Hopalong X]

Well the fact I was 99% sure it was Welch made it a lot easier.

Remember I'm the one that loves to use translators on the forum.

I'll let you slide on the hay this time.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

How the hell am I going to transport a ton of hay across the pond?

Google's too bloody handy!

Send it Air Express and have them drop it on Hoppy's house like the Fed Ex guys do
throwing the package over the fence.

 

[seavixen32]

Well the fact I was 99% sure it was Welch made it a lot easier.

Remember I'm the one that loves to use translators on the forum.

I'll let you slide on the hay this time.

Just as well, I was going to follow up on Dennis's suggestion. :devil:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbours are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Today's reminder's!!

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing...

 

[Layback Bear]

LOW Battery !!!!

A man saved his girlfriend’s phone number on his mobile as “LOW BATTERY”.So whenever
she calls in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger.


Give that man a medal!

Very smart man I will remember that.

 

[beauparc]

Woman. "Can I drive home tonight?"

Husband. "No"

"Please"

"No"

"If you let me, we''l have the best sex ever when we arrive"

"Er.."

"I promise"

"Oh, alright then"




And those words, Ladies and Gentlemen, were the last thing recorded by the Black Box on the Costa Concordia.