Jokes Thread [3]

[Trucidation]

Worst date ever: Girl goes on date, ends up as getaway driver for robbery

Facebook date used me for raid | The Sun |News

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

One Stone
The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally

cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone

again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird

forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He

jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into</ span>

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until A woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird's cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him

and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!













Why ???












OH, come on... take a guess !!!












Think about it !!!













You're going to love this !!!













Everyone knows...



You can't kill Two Birds




with OneStone!!!

View attachment 224486

 

[jadinolf]

one stone
the indian with one testicle
there once was an indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was 'onestone'. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him onestone.

After years and years of torment, onestone finally

cracked and said,' if anyone calls me onestone

again i will kill them!'

the word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named blue bird

forgot and said, 'good morning, onestone.' he

jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into</ span>

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until blue bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until a woman

named yellow bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow bird , who wasblue bird's cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw onestone. She hugged him

and said, 'good to see you, onestone.'

onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, butyellow bird wouldn't die!













why ???












oh, come on... Take a guess !!!












think about it !!!













You're going to love this !!!













everyone knows...



you can't kill two birds




with onestone!!!

View attachment 224486

groan.......................

 

[Joan Archer]

:roflmao:

 

[jadinolf]

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Joe gm.. here's the naughty girls Sig... lol
View attachment 224772

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Tough-Harley-Guy Legend...
On January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!!!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Devil in Church
People were in their pews talking at church.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that
God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't" said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years."

 

[jadinolf]

tough-harley-guy legend...
on january 9th, a group of pekin, illinois bikers were riding west on i-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the murray baker bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the state trooper, and says, "what are you doing?"

she says, "i'm going to commit suicide."

while he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either, so he asked "well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

so, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, george gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the state trooper, and says, "wow! That was the best kiss i have ever had honey! That's a real talent you're wasting sugar shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"my parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

it's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!!!

:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d

 

[pebbly]

Three men are captured by female savages and are told their appendages would be removed in a manner appropiate to their jobs . The first was a lumberjack so his would be chopped off. The second was a butcher so his would be sliced off. The third man started laughing . The female savages asked what was so funny ? He replied " I work for Electrolux !"

 

[Dinesh]

The Onestone joke was a very big PJ. :haha:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
View attachment 224832

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10


2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10


3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8


4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynn ette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.
-- Pam , age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8


7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )


8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is.......


9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

CHA-CHING !!!.. this is the best of ALL.

10. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

:devil2::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Layback Bear]

Ladypink that is a great find. Thanks.

 

[A Guy]

Lol, good one M'Lady

A Guy

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Thanks guys.. I sat here laughing out loud.. so thought you all would like this also.
I just never thought about a woman looking like a Dump Truck !!!..
Kids can come up with the darndest comments.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

UK CLASSIFIED ADS

You have to love British humor!
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little *******.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker.

Billy Connolly -
"If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

 

[Phone Man]

The wife always says she has a headache when I want sex.
One night I brought her an aspirin and a class of water.
She said. "I don't want that, I don't have a headache"



Jim

 

[BugMeister]

- boring..!!

 

[A Guy]

Olympic Humor

Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"

A Guy

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

OHHH Jim you can't win for losing.. lol.....:roflmao: