Dilbert's One liners..... Best ones

[Dinesh]

Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners:

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. Someday is not a day of the week

25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

26. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

27. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

28. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

J and here's the best of the lot J

30. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else!

 

[Dwarf]

Some more...

1. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
2. An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience.
3. Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
4. I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
5. If you spend all of your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
6. Managers are like cats in a litter box. They instinctively shuffle things around to conceal what they've done.
7. Your brain is like your stomach in the sense that if it's empty, you're willing to put anything in there to fill it up.
8. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
9. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.