Jokes Thread [3]

[seavixen32]

I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!

She said anything you want right? so why not her money too?

SeaV

The joke was sent to me in an email from my brother.
It included a picture of the truck and Tammi. :shock:
You would have just taken the truck.


BlackSparrow

If he took her money how was she going to pay for the truck?

Mike, I've been down Singapore's Bugis Street at 3 am. I'd have taken Tammi!

 

[BlackSparrow]

I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!

She said anything you want right? so why not her money too?

SeaV

The joke was sent to me in an email from my brother.
It included a picture of the truck and Tammi. :shock:
You would have just taken the truck.


BlackSparrow

If he took her money how was she going to pay for the truck?

Good point there!

 

[Maguscreed]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

 

[Kari]

...
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Dinesh]

Reminder to all the Girls:
.
.
.
.
We always hear " the rules" From the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1 Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.!! Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Cricket or Katrina's assets.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

 

[profdlp]

Three pressing questions:

How long you been married now, Dinesh?

How long did you expect to be married? :sarc:

Am I mentioned in your will anywhere?

 

[BlackSparrow]

Three pressing questions:

How long you been married now, Dinesh?

How long did you expect to be married? :sarc:

Am I mentioned in your will anywhere?

I don't think he would put you in his will... he would put ALL OF US in his will... all for his money >

 

[BugMeister]

- not sure if she'll read your list..
- simply too busy, multi-tasking.. (or whatever..!!)

 

[Dinesh]

Three pressing questions:

How long you been married now, Dinesh?

How long did you expect to be married? :sarc:

Am I mentioned in your will anywhere?

I have been happily married for 1 year and expecting it to last till my death. Oh, all my money goes to Bill & Melinda Trust.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

 

[BlackSparrow]

"Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

PFFBAHAHAHAHAHA! Best cop and old bloke joke i've ever heard!

 

[A Guy]

I have been happily married for 1 year and expecting it to last till my death. Oh, all my money goes to Bill & Melinda Trust.

I don't know this Melinda Trust, but I can settle for half Happy Anniversary Dinesh

A Guy

 

[Phone Man]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

You are correct. Money and Power are more important.

With Money and Power you get Sex. :devil2:
Jim

 

[profdlp]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

I must agree. There are times when you'd just as soon sit on the couch and watch a ballgame.

I have been happily married for 1 year and expecting it to last till my death. Oh, all my money goes to Bill & Melinda Trust.

I don't know this Melinda Trust, but I can settle for half Happy Anniversary Dinesh

A Guy

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

You are correct. Money and Power are more important.

With Money and Power you get Sex. :devil2:
Jim

LOL hahahah.. only YOU would know Jim.. that's a riot from you...:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Thorsen]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

You are right

Sex is not the answer.

Sex is the question.... yes is the answer

 

[Hopalong X]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

You are right

Sex is not the answer.

Sex is the question.... yes is the answer

That seems vaguely familiar in a past life... once upon a time... in a galaxy far, far away... maybe??? :huh:

...or was it the outer limits of the twilight zone??? :shock:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

SEX is NOT the Answers to everything !!!.. NO matter what guys think.

You are right

Sex is not the answer.

Sex is the question.... yes is the answer

That seems vaguely familiar in a past life... once upon a time... in a galaxy far, far away... maybe??? :huh:

...or was it the outer limits of the twilight zone??? :shock:

For you Hoppy that was Light Years Ago!
THW

 

[seavixen32]

More years ago than I care to remember I wrote out a job application form.

The first question was Name? so I wrote in my name.

The second question was Sex? so I wrote in Yes, please.

I didn't get the job and can't figure out why.

 

[tommcgtx]

My Two Brothers

Someone at work circulated this one in e-mail. I didn't save it, so I found it on the internet


An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

Then one week he came in and ordered only two.
He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."