Jokes Thread [3]

[Layback Bear]

Very good LADYPINK.

 

[seavixen32]

Carlos Tevez, a very highly-paid footballer contracted to Manchester City, fell out with his manager some time ago and hasn't played since.

When asked about his problems he complained that his manager treated him like a dog.

I don't see what his problem is. After all, it's his job to run around a field chasing after a ball.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,


'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

Rich

A good one.. I'm part blonde.. along with gray.

 

[Hopalong X]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

To the naughty step with Pebbly you go! :busted:

 

[Qdos]

A man and his ever nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, " You can have her shipped home for £5000, or bury her here in the Holy Land for £150"

The man thought about it and told him he would have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you pay £5000 to have your wife shipped home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here AND you would only spend £150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance!"

 

[richnrockville]

The blonde joke was sent to me by a blonde. They like em as well.
Rich

 

[Phone Man]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

If a man has a choice between a naughty or nice girl, the naughty wins every time.

Jim

 

[panais]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,


'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

Rich

A good one.. I'm part blonde.. along with gray.

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

To the naughty step with Pebbly you go! :busted:

Mike ... OoooHHH No .. not me ..

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

If a man has a choice between a naughty or nice girl, the naughty wins every time.

Jim

JIM.. lol.. not you too .. gracious I must have been really bad !!!

 

[Phone Man]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

If a man has a choice between a naughty or nice girl, the naughty wins every time.

Jim

JIM.. lol.. not you too .. gracious I must have been really bad !!!

When you are good, your are good but when you are bad you are great. :devil:

Jim

 

[Phone Man]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

Here is your naughty girl tag!



Jim

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Remove politics from your mind and check the numbers here.

Eric Bolling (Fox Business Channel's Follow the Money) test drove the Chevy Volt at the invitation of General Motors.

For four days in a row, the fully charged battery lasted only 25 miles before the Volt switched to the reserve gasoline engine.
Eric calculated the car got 30 mpg including the 25 miles it ran on the battery. So, the range including the 9 gallon gas tank and the 16 kwh battery is approximately 270 miles. It will take you 4 1/2 hours to drive 270 miles at 60 mph. Then add 10 hours to charge the battery and you have a total trip time of 14.5 hours. In a typical road trip your average speed (including charging time) would be 20 mph.

According to General Motors, the Volt battery hold 16 kwh of electricity. It takes a full 10 hours to charge a drained battery.

The cost for the electricity to charge the Volt is never mentioned so I looked up what I pay for electricity. I pay approximately (it varies with amount used and the seasons) $1.16 per kwh.

16 kwh x $1.16 per kwh = $18.56 to charge the battery. $18.56 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.74 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.

Compare this to a similar size car with a gasoline engine only that gets 32 mpg. $3.19 per gallon divided by 32 mpg = $0.10 per mile.

The gasoline powered car cost about $15,000 while the Volt costs $46,000.

So GM wants us to pay 3 times as much for a car that costs more that 7 times as much to run and takes 3 times as long to drive across country.

REALLY?

 

[Hopalong X]

So we can break even when gas hits $50 a gallon.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

So we can break even when gas hits $50 a gallon.

Which will sometime this summer!:shock:

 

[profdlp]

But you have to take into account how much saving the environment is worth!

After all, that good clean electricity doesn't pollute the air.

(Of course, all the coal they burn at the electric plant does, but...)

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

This what Snopes has to say about VOLT

In an effort to get to the truth, I rechecked this with 'SNOPES'. They 'adjusted' the mileasge/cost numbers and, according to THEIR figures, the Volt WAS more economical to operate.

Snopes calculation for fuel cost came out to 7 cents per mile for the Volt, vs 11 cents per mile for the new car getting 32 mpg using only gasoline.

Therefore, the Volt is obviously more economical per mile by a whopping 2/3 which calculates to 4 cents.

I took it one step further than Snopes and factored in the cost of both automobiles. Not having access to intricate details such as maintenace costs, or average driving distances, resale value, etc, I did it very simply.

I used the price of each car, NEW, and depreciated both of them to ZERO.

According to the article...........

Volt= $46,000

Gas only guzzler (that gets 32 mpg) = $15,000

Using these numbers, the Volt will surpass the 'Guzzler' after a mere 750,000 miles of driving.

 

[Layback Bear]

Good math LADYPINK. That would be a lot of trips to the store and work place.

 

[panais]

I hope I don't get the naughty Girl tag on this..

Here is your naughty girl tag!

View attachment 199414

Jim

I love high definition photos!