Jokes Thread [3]

[BrightBlessings]

 

[MrsHDixon]

:roflmao:..............I love the last one!
Yep....and I'm still laughing!

 

[BlackSparrow]

:roflmao: so many jokes to look at! Last one made me laugh my arse off xD :roflmao:

 

[jadinolf]

I see where Monica Lewinsky is now voting Republican.

Apparently the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.


A Guy

Can you imagine kissing her?

What's the first thing you think of after doing it?:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[mitchell65]

My joke of the day "Windows 8"

 

[whs]

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[Lady Fitzgerald]

---------------------------------

That would be funny if it wasn't so true.

 

[Trevers1987]

Here's one for the man with a dry sense of humour.
What did the grape do when it got stood on ?..........
... let out a little Wine

Got that from the back of a penguin wrapper years ago. the only person ever to find it funny was a blonde girl I took for lunch one day that ask me why my mash was green ???? It was mushy pea's now that's just plain thick lmfao
:roflmao:

 

[Trevers1987]

Wife text husband on a cold winters morning"Windows frozen".............
Husband text back "pour some luke warm water over it"...................
Wife text back "computer completely f**ked now"

 

[BrightBlessings]

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose, 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!"

 

[BlackSparrow]

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose, 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!"

They did 'hit' the moose alright :roflmao:.

 

[Trevers1987]

1.Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows

2.In a world without walls and fences - who needs windows and gates?!

3.Windows is true multitasking... it can bootup and crash at the same time!

 

[BlackSparrow]

Nice jokes Dan :roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Father O'Malley
Father O'Malley, an Irish priest, was transferred to Texas. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He arose from his bed one morning and walked to the window to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. To his surprise he noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, being a Lutheran and considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true. But we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call!"

 

[beauparc]

My wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills.


I'm looking for a place to live, can you help me?

 

[Trevers1987]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!:roflmao:
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)


I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

(you are going to love this..)






" What's for dinner, Zorro?"

 

[jadinolf]

heh heh heh

Good one!:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Layback Bear]

That's just great Zorro. Should of added a whip.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

No whip.. but I do have a mask !!!

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