Jokes Thread [3]

[LADYPINKtomato1]

These are NOT jokes, just some funny observations....

This article is so funny, and they are all true - Good proof-reading is a dead art, today we use spell check.
This is what happens when you take "human" out of the equation. Just think - no wonder they are closing written
newspapers down - nobody can read anymore.
Next time you read an article just pick out the mistakes, it's amazing and quite fun.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny...

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

 

[ICIT2LOL]

An ambassador riding along with the queen in a horse drawn carriage and suddenly there is a loud fart.
The Queen turns to the ambassador and says "Oh sorry about that" and the ambassador tuns round and says " Hmm that's ok your majesty I thought it was one of the horses"

We allowed to tell sick jokes in here??

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I sure hope so , if NOT then I'll be booted out tonight:devil2::roflmao:

 

[Lady Fitzgerald]

I sure hope so , if NOT them I'll be booted out tonight:devil2::roflmao:

Honey, that boot would be retroactive to when you first signed up!

 

[ICIT2LOL]

I sure hope so , if NOT them I'll be booted out tonight:devil2::roflmao:

Honey, that boot would be retroactive to when you first signed up!

Killjoy:sarc:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I have more that are a lot worse... Pebbly and I share a love for great jokes.. I'll keep posting them in hopes...
well you know....lol:devil2:

 

[Lady Fitzgerald]

I have more that are a lot worse... Pebbly and I share a love for great jokes.. I'll keep posting them in hopes...
well you know....lol:devil2:

'Twould be dull around here if you didn't!

 

[A Guy]

John, ask Pebbly what the limit is. You can find her on the Naughty Step

A Guy

 

[Borg 386]

An attractive blonde arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet ten thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"

She grabbed the dice & kissed them, hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly disappeared.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

 

[Layback Bear]

Borg 386 I was watching the pair coming and going.

 

[Lady Fitzgerald]

Men!

 

[A Guy]

Here!

A Guy

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

...... I love Men... most of them anyway... I love their points of view, which are very different from us women....
I love their humor, at times, little boy attitudes ( when they are sick , they seem to act like little boys )

 

[Layback Bear]

Women love men and men love woman. What a novel idea. You think it will ever catch on? It might not be politically correct.

 

[A Guy]

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area...here, nothing is certain

A Guy

 

[Layback Bear]

I was in San Francisco once. The only good thing about it was I wasn't there long. It' not meant for me.

 

[Phone Man]

I would like to love all women but my wife won't let me. :busted:

Jim

 

[ICIT2LOL]

Women are absolutely gorgeous, lovely, brainy, delightful, great company, fantastic cooks, great house people, tidy, clean, and have the largest speech area of the cerebral cortex of all known life forms on earth

 

[Layback Bear]

largest speech area of the cerebral cortex of all known life forms on earth

Yep; another reason to love them.

 

[Lady Fitzgerald]

Women are absolutely gorgeous, lovely, brainy, delightful, great company, fantastic cooks, great house people, tidy, clean, and have the largest speech area of the cerebral cortex of all known life forms on earth

I agree on all except the last part. For proof of that being wrong, just look at the U.S. Congress.