Jokes Thread [4]

[COMPUTIAC]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Happy Easter[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: How does the Easter bunny keep his fur neat?
A: With a harebrush![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: What kind of books do rabbits like?
A: Ones with hoppy endings![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Why shouldn't you tell an Easter egg a good joke?
A: It might crack up! [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Why does the Easter bunny have a shiny nose?
A: Because the powder puff is on the other end![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: What did one colored egg say to the other?
A: "Heard any good yolks lately"? [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
A: Hide in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket?
A: Only one. After that, it's not empty![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken![/FONT]

 

[jadinolf]

groan.....

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Walking! ....during Pregnancy

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in
full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly
and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their
partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier.
Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "and gentlemen, remember -- you're in
this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes," answered the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag
while we walk?"

---- This kind of sensitivity and love just can't be taught!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

groan.....

I hope you enjoyed a great Easter Sunday.

 

[jadinolf]

groan.....

I hope you enjoyed a great Easter Sunday.

Sure did.

 

[Britton30]

​

Bubba and Johnny Ray were sittin' on the front porch when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.
"I'm gonna do dat when I win the lottery," said Bubba.​

"Do what?" asked Johnny Ray.
"Send my grass out to be mowed"​

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Gary are these 2 guys your best buds?.. made me laugh out loud.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

LadyPT,
That's Gary and I sitting there.
I'm the one with the cross necklace.

Told him that instead of rolling it up and sending it out to be cut just mow the lawn and smoke it.:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[COMPUTIAC]

LadyPT,
That's Gary and I sitting there.
I'm the one with the cross necklace.

Told him that instead of rolling it up and sending it out to be cut just mow the lawn and smoke it.:roflmao::roflmao:

Glad to see you are both wearing your best redneck attire. Guess you're going to Walmart agin'

 

[Britton30]

I took my dad to the mall the other
day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to
him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors -
green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my dad
staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she
sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything
wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so
that I would not choke on his response, I knew he
would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an
eyelid ......
"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was
just wondering if you are my kid."​

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Brothel Trip
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90?' replies the woman.
'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

:devil2:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

View attachment 315544

I took my dad to the mall the other
day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to
him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors -
green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my dad
staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she
sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything
wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so
that I would not choke on his response, I knew he
would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an
eyelid ......
"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was
just wondering if you are my kid."​

Gary....hahahaha your joke is much better then the one I posted.

 

[Sven1458]

I forgot where I found this, but it made me laugh

HAVE YOU EVER SPOKEN AND WISHED YOU COULD IMMEDIATELY RETRACT YOUR WORDS?

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a particular question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their taco's laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow - but don't get any.... a true story. We had a female News anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!


Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Those are all killer , funny things.

 

[Gator]

Not much of a joke but I saw it the other day and it made me laugh..

You know you're lazy when you're prompted "fhgsdfga.txt already exists. Would you like to replace it?"

 

[COMPUTIAC]

A Man Walks Into A Bar...

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"

"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"

"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."

"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"

"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

 

[A Guy]

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she’s there."

A Guy

 

[COMPUTIAC]

WOT doesn't think too much of your link. It blocks it.

 

[mohavepc]

Wow sorry about that. I will delete the message then. I use mylife from time to time to find classmates. never had an issue.

 

[Britton30]

Yeah, mylife.com doesn't look too honest.
MyLife.com: People-Search Website Sued as a 'Scam' - ABC News

MyLife - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia