Today [7]

[Everlong]

Been revising mostly today. Had my head in my Operating System Concepts book, going over past exam papers, and scouring past academic papers/lecture notes. Stopped for now the day now, and will continue tomorrow.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

I've quite often signed my posts stating "Life is good". It might be you have seen last of those statements.

About two weeks now I have been really weak. I can not sleep, eating is difficult. I've had quite a big problems with my sense of balance, left side of my body has not been working very well, and the headache is killing me. Still recovering from strokes I had over half a year ago and suffering from both Ménière's disease and something my neurologist calls "epileptic migraine", I've thought my feelings, my problems are normal, that I'm as well as possible with all these diseases and discomforts.

This morning at 8:30 AM I had a joint meeting with both my GP, neurologist and cardiologist. It's basically still going on, been here at the clinic since that, been waiting this whole Easter holidays, just lying in the bed or sitting in the garden. As is in their power, the doctors once again revoked my driver's license, informing the authorities straight away that due medical reasons they request my license to be revoked for a period of 180 days. Then they went on, telling me the worst news I could imagine to hear.

My life as I have known it is now over. Most definitely. I do not know what happens in the future, at the moment I only have plans for next two weeks. Today I need to stay in the University Clinic where I am now posting this from hospital lobby PC, waiting to be taken to some tests. I should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow afternoon, but at the moment I am so pessimistic I really do not know nor do I care.

At the moment I do not have all the information I would like to have. Too many questions are still not answered. I can not believe most of what I've heard, and what I can believe I can not understand.

Waiting Angie to bring my netbook here, to be able to surf SF at least tonight.

Life, if not always good, most certainly is interesting. And always worth living.

Kari

Kari,
We are wishing you good health and happiness.
Take one day at a time and be thankful for that because who knows what tomorrow will bring for any of us.
So here's to a quick recovery and be thankful to have Angie at your side.

 

[Kari]

Thanks, guys.

Angie brought wrong computer for me and gave strickt instructions: I'm allowed to surf one hour now, then she comes back from cafeteria and takes laptop with her . Just what I needed; my bloodpressure was about only thing still quite normal but now it's shooting through the roof.

It seems they want to open my head. I was told it would be best to do it at the end of the week, latest beginning of next week. I told I have some other plans, that we need to postpone the operation about two weeks and my neurologist went ballistic after hearing the reason. Don't understand why, he's known about my plans for some time now. Anyway, have to sign a bunch of papers tomorrow, explaining that I know what I'm doing and saying that hospital or doctors can not be held responsible if something happens.

A new world opening in front of my eyes, quite a lot to think really through. I'm extremely sad, wanting to be alone. Sent Angie to cafeteria in such a way I know I'm going to pay for that later. It's easier to type to strangers (sorry geeks, you know what I mean) now than talk to those close to me.

Just a clarification: I'm not dying. At least not yet . Do not misunderstand my pessimistic tone. It's just that my situation has changed in a direction what was not even thought couple of months ago when it looked as if I was breaking recovery records. It's complicated, and still too personal, but it's serious. And it's happening fast. Just to give an example, last week I could take a walk without help, this morning I could no longer control my left leg. Basically, the leg is OK. My brain sends a command to leg for it to take a step, but somewhere during the "chain of command" the instructions are lost and the leg stays put, waiting orders that never come... Same thing happening with my speach; I know what I want to say but I can not get all the words out without "searching" them, so I have to speak very carefully. The nervous system is, as they say here in Germany, "Kaputt".

Bloody difficult to explain.

See you.

Life sux!

Kari

 

[DocBrown]

Hi Carl, Bye Carl

 

[Joan Archer]

Kari sending you my best wishes for a speedy recovery to normal for you, well whatever normal is for you

To be serious though I do hope you get well soon and with Angie beside you I'm sure that will be sooner rather than later.

 

[Fayla]

Wow, you're really eagle-eyed their Doc, but I guess you have to be that way in the time traveling profession.

Hi Carl, Bye Carl

 

[z3r010]

Thanks, guys.

Angie brought wrong computer for me and gave strickt instructions: I'm allowed to surf one hour now, then she comes back from cafeteria and takes laptop with her . Just what I needed; my bloodpressure was about only thing still quite normal but now it's shooting through the roof.

It seems they want to open my head. I was told it would be best to do it at the end of the week, latest beginning of next week. I told I have some other plans, that we need to postpone the operation about two weeks and my neurologist went ballistic after hearing the reason. Don't understand why, he's known about my plans for some time now. Anyway, have to sign a bunch of papers tomorrow, explaining that I know what I'm doing and saying that hospital or doctors can not be held responsible if something happens.

A new world opening in front of my eyes, quite a lot to think really through. I'm extremely sad, wanting to be alone. Sent Angie to cafeteria in such a way I know I'm going to pay for that later. It's easier to type to strangers (sorry geeks, you know what I mean) now than talk to those close to me.

Just a clarification: I'm not dying. At least not yet . Do not misunderstand my pessimistic tone. It's just that my situation has changed in a direction what was not even thought couple of months ago when it looked as if I was breaking recovery records. It's complicated, and still too personal, but it's serious. And it's happening fast. Just to give an example, last week I could take a walk without help, this morning I could no longer control my left leg. Basically, the leg is OK. My brain sends a command to leg for it to take a step, but somewhere during the "chain of command" the instructions are lost and the leg stays put, waiting orders that never come... Same thing happening with my speach; I know what I want to say but I can not get all the words out without "searching" them, so I have to speak very carefully. The nervous system is, as they say here in Germany, "Kaputt".

Bloody difficult to explain.

See you.

Life sux!

Kari

Kari, twice I've tried to reply to you today but I just cant find the words.

All I can say is i'm thinking of you my friend and hope there are better days ahead.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

John,
I think we all feel the same way.....kind of helpless and lost for words.
However, just letting him know we are thinking of him is about the best we can do and let him know we are here for them both.
THW

 

[A Guy]

Kari, quite saddened to read of your new condition. I can only hope the best for you and the medical profession there. Keep your spirits up, it is a vital part of recovery. Take care, Bill

 

[Arc]

Kari...
I dont know what can I say to you ..... I just can expect that everything will be fine again as soon as possible .

 

[spinifex]

Kari, be the fighter you are and show the world you can't be beaten.
Best wishes to you and yours, mate.

Jon

 

[StalkeR]

Today I'll go to a rap concert. Exactly on a album promotion called "Box" from one macedonian raper. It will be crazyy....

 

[DeanP]

This morning, went to see my girlfriend at the hospital. She is OK at the moment and she will be out of the hospital in couple of weeks. I let her know about the comments you guys made and she wants to say thanks to you guys

I gave her. . . a box of chocolate (box - heart shape), flowers and a get well soon card.

Dean

EDIT: Got a new Macbook Pro (Anti-Glare) from my friend (early birthday present).

 

[StalkeR]

Hello Dean. Glad to hear that she is ok.

 

[Kari]

Home again, after some extensive tests this morning. Heavily medicated. Almost unable to move, almost unable to speak, using computer with right hand only. It sux! The speed of these changes in my neural system is amazing, can't help thinking what did I do wrong in my recovery process, did I cause this myself?

Tomorrow morning consultation, then I know what happens and when.

This is what I know now, doctor's gibberish translated to my own words:

There are two kinds of nerves. One type provides information to the spinal cord and brain, while the second type transmit instructions from the brain and spinal cord.

A message from your toes to the brain might sound like this: "The water is cold." Neural system sends a message from your toes to the spinal cord, where it is relayed to the brain. The brain gives the command: "Pull your toes away from the water!" This command is transmitted via the spinal cord along the nerve in a leg muscle which is able to pull your toes away from the water.

Sometimes you have to act quickly. If you touch a hot pot, the message goes only to the spinal cord, which gives immediate instructions to arm muscles to pull your hand away from the hot pot. This is known as reflexes. If this message would have to go all the way to the brain, the extra milliseconds needed might cause you burning yourself.

In my case, the "networking" between nerves and spinal cord is OK. It means the reflexes are still there and working. The problem is the "networking" between spinal cord and brain. Like in that example of mine above, if the water was really ice cold, the reflexes might take care of that taking my toes out of icy water as quick as possible, without asking brain what to do. But if the spinal cord does not think it as a danger, it sends the information to my brain asking instructions. My brain then sends the command to be relayed to muscles in my leg to pull toes out of water, but this command never arrives to spinal cord. It's like pinging a disconnected rig in the network .

Same thing happens with my speech. Not all the time but disturbingly often. Angie asks if I would like to have a cup of coffee. My brain handles the question, forms an answer "Yes" and sends this to my vocal chords, but the command never arrives (ping fails) and I'll say nothing.

One fact remains: Mac OSX still sux!

Kari

 

[Baroness von Shush]

Thanks, guys.

Angie brought wrong computer for me and gave strickt instructions: I'm allowed to surf one hour now, then she comes back from cafeteria and takes laptop with her . Just what I needed; my bloodpressure was about only thing still quite normal but now it's shooting through the roof.

It seems they want to open my head. I was told it would be best to do it at the end of the week, latest beginning of next week. I told I have some other plans, that we need to postpone the operation about two weeks and my neurologist went ballistic after hearing the reason. Don't understand why, he's known about my plans for some time now. Anyway, have to sign a bunch of papers tomorrow, explaining that I know what I'm doing and saying that hospital or doctors can not be held responsible if something happens.

A new world opening in front of my eyes, quite a lot to think really through. I'm extremely sad, wanting to be alone. Sent Angie to cafeteria in such a way I know I'm going to pay for that later. It's easier to type to strangers (sorry geeks, you know what I mean) now than talk to those close to me.

Just a clarification: I'm not dying. At least not yet . Do not misunderstand my pessimistic tone. It's just that my situation has changed in a direction what was not even thought couple of months ago when it looked as if I was breaking recovery records. It's complicated, and still too personal, but it's serious. And it's happening fast. Just to give an example, last week I could take a walk without help, this morning I could no longer control my left leg. Basically, the leg is OK. My brain sends a command to leg for it to take a step, but somewhere during the "chain of command" the instructions are lost and the leg stays put, waiting orders that never come... Same thing happening with my speach; I know what I want to say but I can not get all the words out without "searching" them, so I have to speak very carefully. The nervous system is, as they say here in Germany, "Kaputt".

Bloody difficult to explain.

See you.

Life sux!

Kari

Kari, we are saddened by your recent post and send you our love, thoughts and best wishes to both you and Angie.

In light of this I feel the need to post the following as John posted a crap two liner! Although his heart was in the right place! John, Don't Ban me for saying that! :-

Kari,

You are an inspiration to us all and have a zest for life that is quite frankly astonishing! You have conquered all that life has thrown at you and still maintain a sense of humour! You make us laugh, :roflmao: you make us cry , you are unique in every way and we ride the roller coaster of life with you and to be honest we are not about to let you off the ride anytime soon!

You are part of this community and one who brings sunshine to us on a cloudy day, you are the only person we know that can suffer all that you have and still manage to use 3 languages simultaneously when most of us have trouble with one! You are the only person we know who can make light of any situation even when it involves not being able to go to the toilet unaided.

You have a lot to give and for pure selfish reasons we want you around, therefore I think we need to lift your spirits and inspire you for a change!

With regards to your comments about Angie please know that it’s hard being an outsider looking in. When John had his heart attack last year he bullied me into giving him the laptop which I was none too pleased about and tried to delay this as long as I could, unfortunately I had to relent. I did think about smashing him over the head with it but didn’t think that would go down too well in hospital! Although at the time it probably would have made me feel a hell of a lot better.


I do hope the days ahead get easier and wish you a very, very speedy recovery.

Love and best wishes Angie xxx

 

[mickey megabyte]

well said Baroness!

and another great post Kari!

can't really add much more, i'm as crap as john in this respect.

 

[Kari]

What a nice respond, Baroness. Made an old geek smile

Thanks also to John, Mickey and all other geeks. Thank God for the Seven Forums, this is really the therapy I need.

Kari

 

[Arc]

One fact remains: Mac OSX still sux!

Kari

I second ! What sux is Mac OS X, not life

 

[Baroness von Shush]

What a nice respond, Baroness. Made an old geek smile

Thanks also to John, Mickey and all other geeks. Thank God for the Seven Forums, this is really the therapy I need.

Kari

You're welcome and I'm glad I made you smile!