Jokes Thread

[Borg 386]

I see the problem

 

[derekimo]

I see the problem

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

I see the problem

Nice check up.............NO CAVITIES!:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Kirsch]

I see the problem

Nice check up.............NO CAVITIES!:roflmao::roflmao:

Or just one big one

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Found a new type of employment...


Tail gunner for Budweiser!

 

[BrightBlessings]

Mick had been in Police work for 35 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. ‘Name’s Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00….’ ‘Great’, says Mick, ‘after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks Thank you.’
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. ‘Gotta warn you. Be some drinking’…’
‘Not a problem’ says Mick. ‘After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of ‘em’.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. ‘More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fighting’ too..’
‘Well, I get along with people, I’ll be all right!. I’ll be there. Thanks again.’
‘More’n likely be some wild sex, too,’
‘Now that’s really not a problem’ says Mick, warming to the idea. ‘I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?’
‘Don’t much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.’

 

[derekimo]

Mick had been in Police work for 35 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. ‘Name’s Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00….’ ‘Great’, says Mick, ‘after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks Thank you.’
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. ‘Gotta warn you. Be some drinking’…’
‘Not a problem’ says Mick. ‘After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of ‘em’.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. ‘More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fighting’ too..’
‘Well, I get along with people, I’ll be all right!. I’ll be there. Thanks again.’
‘More’n likely be some wild sex, too,’
‘Now that’s really not a problem’ says Mick, warming to the idea. ‘I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?’
‘Don’t much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.’

:roflmao:

 

[CarlTR6]

Found a new type of employment...
View attachment 90783

Tail gunner for Budweiser!

That must be Miami! :roflmao:

Mick had been in Police work for 35 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible... ’

:roflmao: :roflmao: I think I would skip that party!

 

[Borg 386]

Tail gunner for Budweiser!

Great...but who's gonna keep an eye on you? :sarc:

For all you Dell users.....

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Tail gunner for Budweiser!

Great...but who's gonna keep an eye on you? :sarc:

For all you Dell users.....

I hope they don't mad at me for just having a few beers along the route!

It get lonely back here.

 

[CarlTR6]

Tail gunner for Budweiser!

Great...but who's gonna keep an eye on you? :sarc:

For all you Dell users.....

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[steve-pressman]

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

 

[CarlTR6]

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Dom]

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

:roflmao::roflmao:

Are we referring to Tews here?

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Wasn't someone in 7F taking driver's ed?


Now you have to figure out who is the instructor and who is the student!

 

[gladson1976]

Wasn't someone in 7F taking driver's ed?
View attachment 90885

Now you have to figure out who is the instructor and who is the student!

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Patience is a virtue


A woman in a super market is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little ba****d's name is Steve."

 

[Dom]

Patience is a virtue


A woman in a super market is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little ba****d's name is Steve."

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

 

[Kirsch]

Patience is a virtue


"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little ba****d's name is Steve."

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[bagavan]

:roflmao: