Jokes Thread 2

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New antiseptic must have been recalled and taken off the market.....error 404
Next time try soap and water..works for me!
 

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HP M9077c
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Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
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Intel(R)Core(TM)2 quad [email protected] 2.39GHz
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ASUSeK
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Realtek High Def Audio
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6 pack of Bud
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MS wireless Inteli
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MS wireless Inteli
How many computer programs does it take to change a light bulb?


None cuz that's hardwares job.
 

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OS
Windows home premium 64 bit
A nursery school pupil told his teacher that he'd found a cat,but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move" answered the child
"You did WHAT!" exclaimed the teacher
"You know",explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
self build
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win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
CPU
amd phenom x4 9600
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asus m2n32-sli deluxe
Memory
corsair twinxs 2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
2x nvidia 1gb 8500gt
Sound Card
onboard
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23" PB Viseo 233d
Screen Resolution
1920x1080
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maxtor sata 500gb
maxtor sata 320gb
fujitsu sata200gb
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oryxx tornado 750w
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thermaltake xaser lll
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artic freezer64 pro + 7 case fans
Excellent, Ms Pebbly.:D
 

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Home build
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Win7 Ultimate x64
CPU
3820
Motherboard
Rampage IV formula
Memory
12 GB kit
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XFX nVidia GeForce GTX 560
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On board card
Monitor(s) Displays
LG 27" x 2
Screen Resolution
1920 x 1080
Hard Drives
1 x OCZ Vertex 4 , 256Gb
PSU
875W Thermal Take
Case
Antec P160W
Cooling
Noctua
Keyboard
Logitech Wave Pro
Mouse
Logitech
Internet Speed
1.5 Mb
Other Info
Logitech G25 steering wheel, Logitech Extreme 3D Pro joystick.
Logitech surround sound speaker system.

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
self build
OS
win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
CPU
amd phenom x4 9600
Motherboard
asus m2n32-sli deluxe
Memory
corsair twinxs 2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
2x nvidia 1gb 8500gt
Sound Card
onboard
Monitor(s) Displays
23" PB Viseo 233d
Screen Resolution
1920x1080
Hard Drives
maxtor sata 500gb
maxtor sata 320gb
fujitsu sata200gb
PSU
oryxx tornado 750w
Case
thermaltake xaser lll
Cooling
artic freezer64 pro + 7 case fans
A nursery school pupil told his teacher that he'd found a cat,but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move" answered the child
"You did WHAT!" exclaimed the teacher
"You know",explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"


You are in rare form today......Naughty Girl!
 

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Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP M9077c
OS
Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
CPU
Intel(R)Core(TM)2 quad [email protected] 2.39GHz
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ASUSeK
Memory
6GB DDR2 6400
Graphics Card(s)
GeForce 8500/512MB
Sound Card
Realtek High Def Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
HP w2408 LCD 24" widescreen
Screen Resolution
1920x1200
Cooling
6 pack of Bud
Keyboard
MS wireless Inteli
Mouse
MS wireless Inteli
A nursery school pupil told his teacher that he'd found a cat,but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move" answered the child
"You did WHAT!" exclaimed the teacher
"You know",explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"



This is good! :)
 

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Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
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W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
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ASUS P5Q Pro
Memory
8GB Dominator 8500C5D
Graphics Card(s)
ATI : XFX 5870
Sound Card
Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
Hard Drives
1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
Cooling
Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
Mouse
Razer Diamondback 3G
Internet Speed
14 Mb/s
Other Info
1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack
Thank you BFK and THW :D
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
self build
OS
win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
CPU
amd phenom x4 9600
Motherboard
asus m2n32-sli deluxe
Memory
corsair twinxs 2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
2x nvidia 1gb 8500gt
Sound Card
onboard
Monitor(s) Displays
23" PB Viseo 233d
Screen Resolution
1920x1080
Hard Drives
maxtor sata 500gb
maxtor sata 320gb
fujitsu sata200gb
PSU
oryxx tornado 750w
Case
thermaltake xaser lll
Cooling
artic freezer64 pro + 7 case fans
A nursery school pupil told his teacher that he'd found a cat,but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move" answered the child
"You did WHAT!" exclaimed the teacher
"You know",explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"
excellent pebbly, tell em the one about the little girl who's dog is called "porky"
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Hewlett packard/p6512uk
OS
Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit 7600
CPU
IIx4 amd athelon 635 processor
Motherboard
FOXCONN 2AA9
Memory
2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
ati radeon HD 5450
Sound Card
(1) Realtek High Definition Audio (2) AMD High Definition
Monitor(s) Displays
samsung lcd tv 32"
Screen Resolution
1360x 768
Hard Drives
(1) WDC WD10 01FAES-60Z2A0 SATA Disk Device (2) Maxtor OneTouch USB Device (3) ST310003 33AS USB Device (4) WD My Book 1111 USB Device
PSU
?
Cooling
air!
Keyboard
wireless hp
Mouse
wireless Hp,optical
Internet Speed
1.10mb/s
Antivirus
MSE
Browser
Firefox
A nursery school pupil told his teacher that he'd found a cat,but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked
"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move" answered the child
"You did WHAT!" exclaimed the teacher
"You know",explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"
excellent pebbly, tell em the one about the little girl who's dog is called "porky"

I will leave that one for you boohbah :D
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
self build
OS
win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
CPU
amd phenom x4 9600
Motherboard
asus m2n32-sli deluxe
Memory
corsair twinxs 2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
2x nvidia 1gb 8500gt
Sound Card
onboard
Monitor(s) Displays
23" PB Viseo 233d
Screen Resolution
1920x1080
Hard Drives
maxtor sata 500gb
maxtor sata 320gb
fujitsu sata200gb
PSU
oryxx tornado 750w
Case
thermaltake xaser lll
Cooling
artic freezer64 pro + 7 case fans
A little girl is sat on her gate holding her dog all dressed up in her sunday best hair all neat in bunches etc, the vicar walks by and says hello sadie thats a lovely little doggie you have whats his name .
"porky " replies sadie
thats an unusual name for a dog says the vicar "is it because he likes bacon ?"
no says sadie its because he f***s pigs. :shock:
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Hewlett packard/p6512uk
OS
Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit 7600
CPU
IIx4 amd athelon 635 processor
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FOXCONN 2AA9
Memory
2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
ati radeon HD 5450
Sound Card
(1) Realtek High Definition Audio (2) AMD High Definition
Monitor(s) Displays
samsung lcd tv 32"
Screen Resolution
1360x 768
Hard Drives
(1) WDC WD10 01FAES-60Z2A0 SATA Disk Device (2) Maxtor OneTouch USB Device (3) ST310003 33AS USB Device (4) WD My Book 1111 USB Device
PSU
?
Cooling
air!
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wireless hp
Mouse
wireless Hp,optical
Internet Speed
1.10mb/s
Antivirus
MSE
Browser
Firefox
I like that a lot boohbah!!!!!!!
 

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Home made Desktop
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Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
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Intel i7-6800K @ 4.3
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ASUS X-99 Deluxe II
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Corsair Platinum 16 gig @2400
Graphics Card(s)
EVGA GTX 1070 OC
Monitor(s) Displays
Asus 27" LED LCD/VE278Q
Screen Resolution
1920-1080 or 1280-720 HDMI
Hard Drives
INTEL SSD 730-240 Gb Sata 3.0/
PSU
EVGA Platium 1200W
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Phanteks Luxe Tempered Glass 8 fans/ one radiator
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XSPC/ Water Cooled CPU
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Das 4 Professional
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Logitech M705/MX Anywhere 2-S
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100 mbits
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Microsoft Security Essentials/ Malwarebytes Premium 3.0/ SAS
Browser
I.E. 11 default/Firefox/ ISP Time Warner Cable/Spectrum
Other Info
LG BluRay Burner/
Sound system-KLipsch-THX/
Icy Dock ssd Hot Swap bays.
A little girl is sat on her gate holding her dog all dressed up in her sunday best hair all neat in bunches etc, the vicar walks by and says hello sadie thats a lovely little doggie you have whats his name .
"porky " replies sadie
thats an unusual name for a dog says the vicar "is it because he likes bacon ?"
no says sadie its because he f***s pigs. :shock:

forehead-slap.jpg



:roflmao::doh:
Oy vey!
 

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Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Hopalong/ Godzilla
OS
Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
CPU
Intel Core i7-870 Lynnfield 2.93GHz LGA 1156 95W Quad-Core
Motherboard
ASUS P7P55D-E PRO
Memory
8GB@1400MHz Crucial Ballistix DDR3-1600 4x2GB
Graphics Card(s)
ASUS ENGTX460 DirectCU/2DI/1GD5 1GB 256-bit GDDR5
Sound Card
VIA Onboard
Monitor(s) Displays
Asus VS248H-P 24"; Samsung SyncMaster 941BW 19"ws
Screen Resolution
1920x1080; 1440x900
Hard Drives
Samsung 830 120GB SSD
Intel 320 120GB SSD
Western Digital Caviar Black WD7501AALS 750GB 7200 RPM SATA 3.0Gb/s
Western Digital Caviar Black WD6401AALS 640GB 7200 RPM SATA 3.0Gb/s
PSU
COOLER MASTER Silent Pro RS850-AMBAJ3-US 850W Modular
Case
COOLER MASTER HAF 932 RC-932-KKN5-GP Black
Cooling
Scythe "Mugen-2 Rev.B" (2 ScytheKaze-Jyuni PWM fans)
Keyboard
Logitech K-320
Mouse
Kensington
Antivirus
Avast Inernet Suite
Browser
IE 9 ; Chrome
Boobah,
You are off to a roaring start............You may be roaring out of here again with that joke. IMHO:zip:
 

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Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP M9077c
OS
Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
CPU
Intel(R)Core(TM)2 quad [email protected] 2.39GHz
Motherboard
ASUSeK
Memory
6GB DDR2 6400
Graphics Card(s)
GeForce 8500/512MB
Sound Card
Realtek High Def Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
HP w2408 LCD 24" widescreen
Screen Resolution
1920x1200
Cooling
6 pack of Bud
Keyboard
MS wireless Inteli
Mouse
MS wireless Inteli
A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown." The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown." The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said 'Turn Around'."
 

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Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Custom
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Windows 7 ultimate X64
CPU
Core i7 870 Lynnfield
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MSI P55-GD55
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4GB Corsair XMS 3 1600Mhz
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GeForce 8800 GTS (for the time being)
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Onboard 7.1 digital
Monitor(s) Displays
Dell 19"
Screen Resolution
1280x1024
Hard Drives
Barracuda 750Gb
PSU
Corsair TX 650w
Case
Thermaltake Armour Extreme Edition
Cooling
Corsair H50
Keyboard
Dell XPS slim
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Dell XPS mouse (only good product)
Internet Speed
100 Mbps +/-

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Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Self
OS
Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
CPU
Main - Core i7 2600K; 2nd - Core i7 920
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Main - Asus P8Z68-V Pro/Gen3; 2nd - Gigabyte GA-EX58-UDR3
Memory
Main - 16GB Corsair Vengeance; 2nd - 12GB Corsair Vengeance
Graphics Card(s)
Main - XFX Radeon 6870 1GB; 2nd - XFX Radeon 4870 1GB
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Both: Onboard Realtek Azalia
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Main - Hann 25" + I-INC 25" + Acer 23"; 2nd - Upgrading Soon
Screen Resolution
Main - 1920x1080 (All Three Monitors); 2nd - Upgrading Soon
Hard Drives
Main - (1) Crucial M4 128GB (Boot)
Main - (1) Seagate 2TB 64MB Cache (Data)
Main - (1) Seagate 2TB 64MB Cache (Data Backup)
2nd - (1) Intel X25-M SSD 80GB (Boot)
2nd - (3) Seagate 1TB 32MB Cache (Data Backup)
2nd - (1) Seagate 320GB (Because)
PSU
Main - OCZ 600W Modular; 2nd - OCZ 600W
Case
Main - Thermaltake Element G; 2nd - NZXT something or other
Cooling
Main - Corsair H80; 2nd - Prolimatech Megahalems
Keyboard
Main - Razer Reclusa; 2nd - Old MS Keyboard
Mouse
Main - Logitech MX Revolution; 2nd - Old MS Mouse
Internet Speed
20Mbps Time-Warner Cable

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home build
OS
Win7 Ultimate x64
CPU
3820
Motherboard
Rampage IV formula
Memory
12 GB kit
Graphics Card(s)
XFX nVidia GeForce GTX 560
Sound Card
On board card
Monitor(s) Displays
LG 27" x 2
Screen Resolution
1920 x 1080
Hard Drives
1 x OCZ Vertex 4 , 256Gb
PSU
875W Thermal Take
Case
Antec P160W
Cooling
Noctua
Keyboard
Logitech Wave Pro
Mouse
Logitech
Internet Speed
1.5 Mb
Other Info
Logitech G25 steering wheel, Logitech Extreme 3D Pro joystick.
Logitech surround sound speaker system.
A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year.

So he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat.

He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?"

The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home build
OS
Win7 Ultimate x64
CPU
3820
Motherboard
Rampage IV formula
Memory
12 GB kit
Graphics Card(s)
XFX nVidia GeForce GTX 560
Sound Card
On board card
Monitor(s) Displays
LG 27" x 2
Screen Resolution
1920 x 1080
Hard Drives
1 x OCZ Vertex 4 , 256Gb
PSU
875W Thermal Take
Case
Antec P160W
Cooling
Noctua
Keyboard
Logitech Wave Pro
Mouse
Logitech
Internet Speed
1.5 Mb
Other Info
Logitech G25 steering wheel, Logitech Extreme 3D Pro joystick.
Logitech surround sound speaker system.
THE Easter Bunny !!!
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.


He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?


What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..



(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)


(OK, here it is)


It says,


"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!!!
 

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Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
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2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
she would like it painted a warm rose colour. The painter wrote this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
turf across the street.
 

My Computer My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
self build
OS
win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
CPU
amd phenom x4 9600
Motherboard
asus m2n32-sli deluxe
Memory
corsair twinxs 2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
2x nvidia 1gb 8500gt
Sound Card
onboard
Monitor(s) Displays
23" PB Viseo 233d
Screen Resolution
1920x1080
Hard Drives
maxtor sata 500gb
maxtor sata 320gb
fujitsu sata200gb
PSU
oryxx tornado 750w
Case
thermaltake xaser lll
Cooling
artic freezer64 pro + 7 case fans
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