Jokes Thread 2

[Neoseer88]

Little Jill was not the best student on the Catholic school. She usually is sleeping in the class.

On one day the teacher(A nun) asked little Jill, who was still sleeping, "Tell me Jill who created the universe?"

Jill did not respond, tiny Willie, her boyfriend behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the side to wake her.

"God Almighty!" shouted Jill.

"Very good!" and the nun continued the lesson.

Moments later the nun asked Jill, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Jill was already sleeping again. Willy saved her again by poking in her ass with his pencil.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Jill. And again the nun congratulated Jill with the good answer. And Jill slipped back into her dreams.

The nun asked her for the third time a question: "What did Eve say to Adam after she had received her 21st child from him?"

Willy saved her again but this time Jill jumped up and shouted:

"If you stick that thing one more time in my hole, I break it in half!"

After that the nun fainted .....

 

[seavixen32]

smsff7, it's a play on words. "It's a long way to Tipperary" was a wartime song that was popular with British troops during the First World War during their time in the trenches.

 

[seavixen32]

So as not to offend the Muslims in Britain the weather forecast will now be broadcast as the Muslim weather forecast in addition to the normal forecast.

Makes sense really as most days here are partly Sunni and partly Shi-ite.

 

[xarden]

Elephants

How do you kill a grey elephant?
Shoot it with a grey elephant gun.

How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?
Tie a vine around its neck, wait for it to turn blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a green elephant?
Dont be silly. There's no such thing as green elephants.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

How do you kill a grey elephant?
Shoot it with a grey elephant gun.

How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?
Tie a vine around its neck, wait for it to turn blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a green elephant?
Dont be silly. There's no such thing as green elephants.

xarden,

Hope you didn't bet a lot of money that there are no green elephants....

 

[xarden]

Shoot 'em with the green elephant gun then

 

[Hopalong X]

Go ahead make my day!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Mike you drank too much PINK punch today.. when celebrating July 4th..
You're now seeing Pink elephants..:roflmao:

 

[Hopalong X]

What pink elephant?

I think you have been nipping the cooking sherry again LPt.
Things will be better tomorrow. Go lie down now it has been a long day. (d)
:roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Mike,
LPt doesn't nip at the cooking Sherry. She has an IV hooked up with it.

 

[A Guy]

Now watch it guys, don't make me come over there!

A Guy

 

[Hopalong X]

Now watch it guys, don't make me come over there!

A Guy

Head on over to Dennis's he needs help painting the outside of his house tomorrow.
Dennis just lives down the street from you.

Glad you volunteered.


Dennis that is one more help coming! Will need another coffee cup for A Guy!

 

[A Guy]

That would be a long street! Also, it will have to be after I run my 9 calls to San Jose, Gilroy, Hollister, Seaside (2), and Salinas (4). Doubt I'll have time. A Guy

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Excuses, excuses.............that's all I hear is excuses.
I would be there to help you two if needed.

Oh well,looks like I will have to go at it alone.
LPt said she would try to make it if she doesn't tank up on the cooking Sherry while watching the fireworks from New York.

Haven't heard a peep from her for over 2 hours maybe it's too late!
Have a great 4th you big dummies.
THW

 

[Hopalong X]

A Guy

That was the fastest UN-volunteering I have ever heard of.

You start at Dennis's house then if time allows you do the others.....next week after the house is painted.

 

[A Guy]

:focus:

A Guy

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

My veins are full of Ice tea... no lemon tonite.. there's just no room for an IV..
plus it won't work if you could get it inserted..no more room inside my veins.
Good try Dennis.. you flopped again... lol:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Mike I tried the lying down bit.. I'm ice tea logged .. from drinking so much ice tea today.. trying to stay cooooooool !!!.
I hear the fireworks going off as I'm typing.

 

[profdlp]

...it's a long way to tip a Rary!"

am I the only person who did not get this joke?...

I am sure you are not. It is one of those jokes best appreciated by old geezers such as myself.

First World War.com - Vintage Audio - It's a Long Way to Tipperary

EDIT: Forgot to roll over to the next page to see that it had already been explained.

PS: I was not actually born yet when WWI was going on. Just for the record...

 

[boohbah]

An 85-year-old man was told by the
Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man
reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'