Jokes Thread 2

[CarlTR6]

> > Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women...

And the Number One reason

Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women.....


#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[jfar]

jfar stole my Sig.

He couldn't even get the sig applied right.

At least he didn't steal my horse.


He must have fell off his horsegoat again!

Jfar thinks that goat he rides is a Unicorn. He can't count to well!

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Doc don't look now but there is something very small, on your head

 

[The Howling Wolves]

If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing…..

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your
rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."

 

[derekimo]

If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing…..

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your
rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Kari]

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."

:roflmao:

Some of you geeks were not born in 1973 when we had global energy crisis after OPEC closed the oil tabs for a while. Suddenly people, whole nations, had to save energy, and not only in third world. Also in western, rich developed countries all possible energy saving options were tried. In Scandinavian countries for instance most of the street lighting were turned off, shops, malls and department stores were forbidden to have lights in windows after closing time and so on.

The Finnish police force had to save, too. So, in urban regions all patrol cars were replaced with tandem bicycles. That worked fine. When a patrol got an emergency call, they cycled to the place as fast as they could, the officer in front screaming "blue light, blue light, blue light..." and the officer on back seat "UUUaaaUUUaaaUUUaaa..."

Kari

 

[andsome]

If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing…..

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your
rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."

Serves the cat right, I hate them.

 

[ionbasa]

Serves the cat right, I hate them.

Theres nothing wrong with cats, it just that they occasionally get annoying, but a lot of people are amused easily by their shenanigans.

 

[A Guy]

Serves the cat right, I hate them.

Wow, harsh! I like cats, they just aren't dogs. Still, get one on your lap, and get it's engine purring...

A Guy

 

[ionbasa]

Serves the cat right, I hate them.

Wow, harsh! I like cats, they just aren't dogs. Still, get one on your lap, and get it's engine purring...

A Guy

+1 I'm a cat owner and a dog owner.

 

[andsome]

You should feed the cat to your dog.

 

[ionbasa]

You should feed the cat to your dog.

My dog is a German Shepherd, and wouldn't do such a thing, he is hight obedient and gets along fine with my cat.plus you haven't even stated why you hate cats?

 

[xarden]

Our cat is called Doofus. Named after the doofy shenanigans it got up to when it was a kitten.

But a joke for the thread: Why'd the chicken cross the road?

 

[ionbasa]

Our cat is called Doofus. Named after the doofy shenanigans it got up to when it was a kitten.

But a joke for the thread: Why'd the chicken cross the road?

why...I'm curios now..

 

[andsome]

I love to encourage wild life such as birds hedgehogs etc into the garden. Other peoples cats do their best to destroy this wild life. I appreciate that this is what cats do by their nature , but as far as I am concerned it is anti social to keep cats in a built up area where they can wander uninvited into other peoples gardens. They also dig holes and crap into them then bury the crap. Most unpleasant when putting out summer bedding plants. I love dogs, and what is more they can be confined to their owners gardens.

I also shudder when I see people allowing their cats onto kitchen work surfaces, a filthy habit. I don't like to see them on furniture either. They belong in a farm yard keeping the rodents down.

 

[ionbasa]

They also dig holes and crap into them then bury the crap. Most unpleasant when putting out summer bedding plants.

but then you wont have to buy fertilizer.

 

[andsome]

they also dig holes and crap into them then bury the crap. Most unpleasant when putting out summer bedding plants.

but then you wont have to buy fertilizer.

yuck!!!!!

 

[lorddenis]

> > Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women...

> >
> > Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women.....
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[pebbly]

A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day.

The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.

"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man.

"O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!" A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face.

Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.




"Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip whenit cringes back and gives a little cry.

"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling



(You will love this…!)

"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show. That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"

 

[Hopalong X]

Pebbly

:busted: You are banned from this thread!!! :busted::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Pebbly must have a green hair lip

I ditto Mike's comment....Ban the hair lip babe from Nottingham!!