Jokes Thread 2

[The Howling Wolves]

Would you repeat that?

 

[Kari]

Sorry. Don't get it. What did you say?

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Sorry I didn't hear you as I was getting my loan approved......

 

[Hopalong X]

Mortgage your home and get a tank of petrol!http://www.sevenforums.com/attachments/chillout-room/142945d1299805253-today-6-arm-leg-gas-pump3.jpg

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

New Glasses :
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of
eyeglasses that she had purchased for her
husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my
husband, He's still not seeing things my way."

 

[The Howling Wolves]

New Glasses :
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of
eyeglasses that she had purchased for her
husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my
husband, He's still not seeing things my way."

LPt,

He probably never will......

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Try a little harder to please.. ..lol.. that works most of the time.

 

[boogieboy]

New Glasses :
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of
eyeglasses that she had purchased for her
husband a week before.
"What seems to be the problem, madam?"
"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my
husband, He's still not seeing things my way."

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

boogie hi.... your Sig is great.. happy Saturday.. Enjoy !!!!

 

[pebbly]

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough. They could not afford a larger house so, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (small fireworks),light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So, the couple drove to get a second opinion. The second doctor was just about to tell them about the medical procedure for a vasectomy when he realized how truly backwards these people were. This doctor instead told the an to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both physicians couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count "1...2...3...4...5...", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.....

 

[Kari]

"Wife / cousin" :roflmao:

Redneck vasectomy . Thanks, Kathryn.

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

"Wife / cousin" :roflmao:

Redneck vasectomy . Thanks, Kathryn.

I'd never be able to count to 11 again.

 

[profdlp]

I'd never be able to count to 11 again.

:roflmao:

Redneck Greeting Card:

.............................................................
..Happy Anniversary, Uncle Daddy!..
.............................................................

 

[Hopalong X]

"Wife / cousin" :roflmao:

Redneck vasectomy . Thanks, Kathryn.

I'd never be able to count to 11 again.

I'm not sure about that. You would use your toes to twenty.

You would never be able to play Blackjack again! 21!:roflmao:

 

[A Guy]

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough. They could not afford a larger house so, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin...

Lol, you had me at wife/cousin

A Guy

 

[pebbly]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his penis in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."[/FONT]

 

[pebbly]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"[/FONT]

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"[/FONT]

:roflmao:
​

 

[pebbly]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed. [/FONT]

 

[Hopalong X]

Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

Pebbly

That is one of your best. :roflmao: