Jokes Thread 2

[wilywombat]

I sometimes think that, both here in the UK and over in the US (and probably elsewhere in the world), we'd be better served by a Congress of baboons!

WHAT??? You mean we aren't already???

 

[Hopalong X]

I sometimes think that, both here in the UK and over in the US (and probably elsewhere in the world), we'd be better served by a Congress of baboons!

WHAT??? You mean we aren't already???

I think Dwarf wants to import our baboons to eat his owls in Parliament.

Dwarf
We have a No Return policy on exported baboons and Congressmen.

We can ship the entire city of Washington D.C. to you including our Republican Presidential candidates.
Not a leader among them, all baboons.
I think you have a few uninhabited Isles to the north of Scotland that would be a perfect new location.

 

[Dwarf]

I sometimes think that, both here in the UK and over in the US (and probably elsewhere in the world), we'd be better served by a Congress of baboons!

WHAT??? You mean we aren't already???

I think Dwarf wants to import our baboons to eat his owls in Parliament.

Dwarf
We have a No Return policy on exported baboons and Congressmen.

We can ship the entire city of Washington D.C. to you including our Republican Presidential candidates.
Not a leader among them, all baboons.
I think you have a few uninhabited Isles to the north of Scotland that would be a perfect new location.

It's a deal... on one major condition, and that is you take our good for nothing MPs in exchange. We'll take your Congressmen as we will need something to feed the baboons, and they'll do nicely. It'll probably also be the first (and only) time that any good has come out of any of them.

 

[Hopalong X]

It's a deal... on one major condition, and that is you take our good for nothing MPs in exchange. We'll take your Congressmen as we will need something to feed the baboons, and they'll do nicely. It'll probably also be the first (and only) time that any good has come out of any of them.

Deal on the MP's.

We have Alcatraz and several Dry Tortugas which includes Fort Jefferson below for the new residents.
Dry Tortugas - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Fort Jefferson. Moat can include salt water crocs'.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Cozy little Restaurant :

A Cozy Little Restaurant, An Exceptionally Beautiful Woman, and a Bottle of Merlot...

I remember her as if it was yesterday; a shame she was so picky. Ah well. .. J
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back..

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Cozy little Restaurant :

A Cozy Little Restaurant, An Exceptionally Beautiful Woman, and a Bottle of Merlot...

I remember her as if it was yesterday; a shame she was so picky. Ah well. .. J
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back..

:roflmao::roflmao:

Says in here LPt............You are still a Naughty Girl!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Dennis .. OHHH No...... not again.. I've been caught .

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Dennis .. OHHH No...... not again.. I've been caught .

I will also send you a bottle of wine....
The brand is Ripple
I have no money and owe everyone even the shirt off my back...
But I do qualify with your last request....as long as you accept the endowment plan.
:roflmao::roflmao::devil2:

Pleasant dreams my Razorback Lady...zzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[The Howling Wolves]

This is for Hopalong X and a few other of you old farts!


BREAKING NEWS!!

To save the economy, on October 8, 2011, Obama will announce that he is ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home!

I started crying when I thought of you.


RUN, YOU OLD BUZZARD, RUN!!



Well..... Someone sent it to me and I’m not going alone!

 

[panais]

This is for Hopalong X and a few other of you old farts!


BREAKING NEWS!!

To save the economy, on October 8, 2011, Obama will announce that he is ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home!

I started crying when I thought of you.


RUN, YOU OLD BUZZARD, RUN!!



Well..... Someone sent it to me and I’m not going alone!

:roflmao:

 

[seavixen32]

It's just been announced that the Bank of England has announced it has authorised the printing of another £75 billion to pump into the economy.

That's the bankers' bonuses taken care of then.

What really pisses me off though is that if I print a few banknotes and get caught, I'm done for forgery. The shysters in charge can print billions of banknotes and they are considered to be saving the economy.

Perverse.

 

[Hopalong X]

It's just been announced that the Bank of England has announced it has authorised the printing of another £75 billion to pump into the economy.

That's the bankers' bonuses taken care of then.

What really pisses me off though is that if I print a few banknotes and get caught, I'm done for forgery. The shysters in charge can print billions of banknotes and they are considered to be saving the economy.

Perverse.

They frown on printing your own on this side of the pond also!!!

The Federal Reserve prints all they want.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

It's just been announced that the Bank of England has announced it has authorised the printing of another £75 billion to pump into the economy.

That's the bankers' bonuses taken care of then.

What really pisses me off though is that if I print a few banknotes and get caught, I'm done for forgery. The shysters in charge can print billions of banknotes and they are considered to be saving the economy.

Perverse.

They frown on printing your own on this side of the pond also!!!

The Federal Reserve prints all they want.

I have tried printing my own..................I even put my own picture on it.

 

[Hopalong X]

I have tried printing my own..................I even put my own picture on it.

That figures! icnic:
:roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

I have tried printing my own..................I even put my own picture on it.

That figures! icnic:
:roflmao:

Mike,
Don't be laughing at me.....I cashed some of it in and got Euro money in exchange..
Next plan is to get pesos's!
When I get through I will buy you a new computer.

 

[seavixen32]

It's just been announced that the Bank of England has announced it has authorised the printing of another £75 billion to pump into the economy.

That's the bankers' bonuses taken care of then.

What really pisses me off though is that if I print a few banknotes and get caught, I'm done for forgery. The shysters in charge can print billions of banknotes and they are considered to be saving the economy.

Perverse.

They frown on printing your own on this side of the pond also!!!

The Federal Reserve prints all they want.

I have tried printing my own..................I even put my own picture on it.

We have a picture of an old queen on ours. :devil:

 

[Hopalong X]

We have a picture of an old queen on ours. :devil:

I probably can't post my response without getting banned. :sarc:
It has nothing to do with your Queen.

 

[seavixen32]

We have a picture of an old queen on ours. :devil:

I probably can't post my response without getting banned. :sarc:
It has nothing to do with your Queen.

Oh, I can well understand where you're coming from, hence the cheeky devil smiley attached to my comment.

I know that sometimes our attempts at humour sometimes get lost in translation, but it didn't take you long to figure out what I was saying.

 

[Hopalong X]

We have a picture of an old queen on ours. :devil:

I probably can't post my response without getting banned. :sarc:
It has nothing to do with your Queen.

Oh, I can well understand where you're coming from, hence the cheeky devil smiley attached to my comment.

I know that sometimes our attempts at humour sometimes get lost in translation, but it didn't take you long to figure out what I was saying.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

We have a picture of an old queen on ours. :devil:

I probably can't post my response without getting banned. :sarc:
It has nothing to do with your Queen.

Oh, I can well understand where you're coming from, hence the cheeky devil smiley attached to my comment.

I know that sometimes our attempts at humour sometimes get lost in translation, but it didn't take you long to figure out what I was saying.

SEAVIXEN,
Mike was coming after me and my printing my picture on some currency.
At lease I hope he was...hehehe
Come on Mike give me your best shot!