Jokes Thread 2

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What's sleek, fast and goes from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds? A Bugatti Veyron
What's moderately affordable and gets 60mpg? A Toyota Prius
What's old, clunky, and goes from 0-crash in 5 seconds? DOS

(sorry, geek humor)
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP Pavilion dv4i-2100
OS
Windows 7 Ultimate x86
CPU
Intel Core i3 M350 @ 2.27 GHz
Motherboard
Stock
Memory
3.00 GB
Graphics Card(s)
Intel 1GB HDMI Graphics Card
Sound Card
Stock
Monitor(s) Displays
14.6" HD
Screen Resolution
1200x800 current setting.
Hard Drives
320GB samsung internal
500GB ADATA portable
PSU
Stock
Case
Stock
Cooling
Targus twin-fan chill mat.
Internet Speed
At home, 300kb/sec downloads. At work, 1028kb/sec downloads.
Other Info
Purchased through HP direct, custom build. I highly recommend HP to anyone.
Too long to post here, but this is absolutely amazing:

The Insult File Version 6.12

NOTE: I did not see any bad words in there, which is even more amazing. If I missed one, sorry...
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Self
OS
Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
CPU
Main - Core i7 2600K; 2nd - Core i7 920
Motherboard
Main - Asus P8Z68-V Pro/Gen3; 2nd - Gigabyte GA-EX58-UDR3
Memory
Main - 16GB Corsair Vengeance; 2nd - 12GB Corsair Vengeance
Graphics Card(s)
Main - XFX Radeon 6870 1GB; 2nd - XFX Radeon 4870 1GB
Sound Card
Both: Onboard Realtek Azalia
Monitor(s) Displays
Main - Hann 25" + I-INC 25" + Acer 23"; 2nd - Upgrading Soon
Screen Resolution
Main - 1920x1080 (All Three Monitors); 2nd - Upgrading Soon
Hard Drives
Main - (1) Crucial M4 128GB (Boot)
Main - (1) Seagate 2TB 64MB Cache (Data)
Main - (1) Seagate 2TB 64MB Cache (Data Backup)
2nd - (1) Intel X25-M SSD 80GB (Boot)
2nd - (3) Seagate 1TB 32MB Cache (Data Backup)
2nd - (1) Seagate 320GB (Because)
PSU
Main - OCZ 600W Modular; 2nd - OCZ 600W
Case
Main - Thermaltake Element G; 2nd - NZXT something or other
Cooling
Main - Corsair H80; 2nd - Prolimatech Megahalems
Keyboard
Main - Razer Reclusa; 2nd - Old MS Keyboard
Mouse
Main - Logitech MX Revolution; 2nd - Old MS Mouse
Internet Speed
20Mbps Time-Warner Cable
What's sleek, fast and goes from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds? A Bugatti Veyron
What's moderately affordable and gets 60mpg? A Toyota Prius
What's old, clunky, and goes from 0-crash in 5 seconds? DOS

(sorry, geek humor)

I think that should be:

What's sleek, fast and goes from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds? A Bugatti Veyron
What's moderately affordable and gets 60mpg? A Toyota Prius
What's old, clunky, and goes from 0-crash in 5 seconds? Windows 95

DOS never crashed for me, or any of the thousands of computers it was on in a corporate setting (years back granted). The software ON DOS sometimes locked up but DOS seems to always work well. JM2C
 

My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Dell OP7010
OS
Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
Memory
16GB
Monitor(s) Displays
4 Dell 24" LCD
Screen Resolution
1280x1024
Keyboard
Dell
Mouse
Dell Optical
Internet Speed
40meg
O_O I'm putting all that in a scripting file, putting that script inside an exe, and turning it into some random "syshost.exe" pseudovirus, and putting it in my friend's startup, just for fun :D



EDIT:

Just saw your post WindowsStar... you have a point, or maybe I could replace it with Windows Vista :P hahahahaha
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP Pavilion dv4i-2100
OS
Windows 7 Ultimate x86
CPU
Intel Core i3 M350 @ 2.27 GHz
Motherboard
Stock
Memory
3.00 GB
Graphics Card(s)
Intel 1GB HDMI Graphics Card
Sound Card
Stock
Monitor(s) Displays
14.6" HD
Screen Resolution
1200x800 current setting.
Hard Drives
320GB samsung internal
500GB ADATA portable
PSU
Stock
Case
Stock
Cooling
Targus twin-fan chill mat.
Internet Speed
At home, 300kb/sec downloads. At work, 1028kb/sec downloads.
Other Info
Purchased through HP direct, custom build. I highly recommend HP to anyone.
YOU ,may get killed by the friend .. or wish he had killed you... lol:devil2::roflmao::roflmao:
 

My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
O_O I'm putting all that in a scripting file, putting that script inside an exe, and turning it into some random "syshost.exe" pseudovirus, and putting it in my friend's startup, just for fun :D



EDIT:

Just saw your post WindowsStar... you have a point, or maybe I could replace it with Windows Vista :P hahahahaha

Here try this VBscript:

Code:
Say="You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in the Islets of Langerhans. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. I take that back; you are a festering pustule on a weasel's rump. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn. And did I mention that you smell? You are a squeaking rat, a mistake of nature and a heavy-metal bagpipe player. You were not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world that rejects the likes of you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg, either, but rather a mutant maggot egg rejected by an evil scientist as being below his low standards. Your alleged parents abandoned you at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done to an unsuspecting world. They were a bit late. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it ever so much more rapidly. If cluelessness were crude oil, your scalp would be crawling with caribou. You are a thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than you have. You are a few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short of a full deck, a few bytes short of a full core dump, and a few chromosomes short of a full human. Worse than that, you top-post. God created houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas, ticks, slugs, leeches, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his standards and made you. I take it back; God didn't make you. You are Satan's spawn. You are Evil beyond comprehension, half-living in the slough of despair. You are the entropy which will claim us all. You are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered inbred trout-defiler. You make Ebola look good. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant and your markup doesn't validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted together. You should be promoted to Engineering Manager. Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your git. You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0 mind in a version 6.12 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think that [URL="http://WWW.GUYMACON.COM/FUN/INSULT/INDEX.HTM"]The Insult File Version 6.12[/URL] is the name of a rock and. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty ****ing oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. May your
spouse be blessed with many *******s. You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature; Battlefield Earth and  Moron Movies II. You would be out of focus. You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair. It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium. Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid. This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while. I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are challenged persons in this world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been right. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, atrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and Generally Not Good.
I hope this helps..." 
 
Set speech=CreateObject("sapi.spvoice") 
speech.Speak Say
 

My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Dell OP7010
OS
Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
Memory
16GB
Monitor(s) Displays
4 Dell 24" LCD
Screen Resolution
1280x1024
Keyboard
Dell
Mouse
Dell Optical
Internet Speed
40meg
I could, or I could put each in in it's own messagebox, and make it disable explorer.exe until the script is finished :D mwahahahahahahaha I can be really evil at times.
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP Pavilion dv4i-2100
OS
Windows 7 Ultimate x86
CPU
Intel Core i3 M350 @ 2.27 GHz
Motherboard
Stock
Memory
3.00 GB
Graphics Card(s)
Intel 1GB HDMI Graphics Card
Sound Card
Stock
Monitor(s) Displays
14.6" HD
Screen Resolution
1200x800 current setting.
Hard Drives
320GB samsung internal
500GB ADATA portable
PSU
Stock
Case
Stock
Cooling
Targus twin-fan chill mat.
Internet Speed
At home, 300kb/sec downloads. At work, 1028kb/sec downloads.
Other Info
Purchased through HP direct, custom build. I highly recommend HP to anyone.
Last edited:

My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
Tickets
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.
"Keep it," the clerk advises. "When you get four of them, you get a bicycle."​
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
custom build
OS
Windows 7 Pro X64
CPU
AMD Phenom II X4 975 Black Edition
Motherboard
MSI 870A-G54 (FX)
Memory
CORSAIR Vengeance 8GB (2 x 4GB) 240-Pin DDR3 SDRAM DDR3 1600
Graphics Card(s)
ASUS EN9800GT HB/HTDI/512M GeForce 9800 GT 512MB 256-bit GDD
Sound Card
Realtek ALC892
Monitor(s) Displays
Viewsonic 19' 16:10
Screen Resolution
1680X1050
Hard Drives
Western Digital Caviar Black WD6401AALS 640GB 7200 RPM SATA,
Western Digital Caviar Black 1TB 7200RPM SATA
PSU
Thermaltake Purepower W0100RU 500W ATX 12V
Case
COOLER MASTER Elite RC-331-KKN1-GP Black SECC ATX Mid Tower
Cooling
Nothing beyond what etch part came with
Keyboard
Logitech G11
Mouse
USB Logitech gaming mouse
Internet Speed
Cable
Other Info
New CPU, Motherboard, and Ram installed 02/2012

Logitech G35 Headset
Tony and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years.
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because Tony watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on yet another holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.
He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.
A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
Tony asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
Tony looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Tony..
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Tony. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
Tony looked around and glanced nervously at Yvonne.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!'
'No gym to work out at?' said Tony
'Not unless you wan t to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

Tony glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your effing Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

1.jpg
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Put together
OS
Win7 Pro-64 Bit
CPU
i7-2600-3.4GHz
Motherboard
ASRock Z68M
Memory
8 GIG DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
onboard
Sound Card
onboard
Hard Drives
Seagate 1TB 7200RPM
PSU
680 W
Case
black
Cooling
stock fans
Keyboard
Microsoft
Mouse
Microsoft optical
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Hewlett packard/p6512uk
OS
Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit 7600
CPU
IIx4 amd athelon 635 processor
Motherboard
FOXCONN 2AA9
Memory
2x2gb
Graphics Card(s)
ati radeon HD 5450
Sound Card
(1) Realtek High Definition Audio (2) AMD High Definition
Monitor(s) Displays
samsung lcd tv 32"
Screen Resolution
1360x 768
Hard Drives
(1) WDC WD10 01FAES-60Z2A0 SATA Disk Device (2) Maxtor OneTouch USB Device (3) ST310003 33AS USB Device (4) WD My Book 1111 USB Device
PSU
?
Cooling
air!
Keyboard
wireless hp
Mouse
wireless Hp,optical
Internet Speed
1.10mb/s
Antivirus
MSE
Browser
Firefox

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Self
OS
Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
CPU
Main - Core i7 2600K; 2nd - Core i7 920
Motherboard
Main - Asus P8Z68-V Pro/Gen3; 2nd - Gigabyte GA-EX58-UDR3
Memory
Main - 16GB Corsair Vengeance; 2nd - 12GB Corsair Vengeance
Graphics Card(s)
Main - XFX Radeon 6870 1GB; 2nd - XFX Radeon 4870 1GB
Sound Card
Both: Onboard Realtek Azalia
Monitor(s) Displays
Main - Hann 25" + I-INC 25" + Acer 23"; 2nd - Upgrading Soon
Screen Resolution
Main - 1920x1080 (All Three Monitors); 2nd - Upgrading Soon
Hard Drives
Main - (1) Crucial M4 128GB (Boot)
Main - (1) Seagate 2TB 64MB Cache (Data)
Main - (1) Seagate 2TB 64MB Cache (Data Backup)
2nd - (1) Intel X25-M SSD 80GB (Boot)
2nd - (3) Seagate 1TB 32MB Cache (Data Backup)
2nd - (1) Seagate 320GB (Because)
PSU
Main - OCZ 600W Modular; 2nd - OCZ 600W
Case
Main - Thermaltake Element G; 2nd - NZXT something or other
Cooling
Main - Corsair H80; 2nd - Prolimatech Megahalems
Keyboard
Main - Razer Reclusa; 2nd - Old MS Keyboard
Mouse
Main - Logitech MX Revolution; 2nd - Old MS Mouse
Internet Speed
20Mbps Time-Warner Cable
Divorced Barbie

The Divorced Barbie Doll

Divorced_Barbie.jpg

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

:orb:
 

My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Built them myself, Science Experiments !
OS
Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
CPU
AMD fx8350 4ghz, AMD-32 2400mhz, AMD-64 3200mhz, AMDx64 2.8G
Motherboard
SIS 755, ECS-K8M890M-M (Ult 7600), GigaByte & others
Memory
2gb, 4gb on the Ult 7600, 4gb on Technet RTM, 32gb on FX8350
Graphics Card(s)
Draw my own Graphics, several nVidia cards
Sound Card
on motherboard
Monitor(s) Displays
19" flat scr, 28" I-Inc widescr,22" Emprex Widescr, 23" Acer
Screen Resolution
1280 x 1024, 1440 x 900, 1920 x 1080
Hard Drives
6 pata Ide HD's & 2 Sata HD's
added 80gb external on Ult 7600 computer,
numerous extra 1tb, 2TB, 3Tb SATA HD's
A collection of ext HD Docks w/ HDs
PSU
430w, 550w, 600w, 700, 800, etc
Case
All Generic Full Towers
Cooling
Open Air & a few fans, some w/ colored LEDs
Keyboard
Compaq & Dell recycled from GoodWill
Mouse
Made in China Optical Wired Mouse
Internet Speed
Fast Cable InterNet
Antivirus
AVG Free on 24 different Desktops, NO Problems!
Browser
IE 8 is preferred, but use FireFox sometimes
Other Info
Linksys Routers, switches, & Hubs
Too Many USB Flash Drives to count, Biggest is 64GB !
Eight computers in my home network.
Sixteen computers at my business network.
Linked via TeamViewer !
Lots of old used spare computer parts everywhere!

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Home built
OS
Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
CPU
Intel(R) Pentium(R) 4 CPU 3.00GHz
Motherboard
ASUS P4P800-VM Motherboard Chipset: Intel 865G + ICH5
Memory
2.50 GB RAM
Graphics Card(s)
NVIDIA GeForce 7600 GS
Sound Card
SoundMax Integrated Digital Audio (Chip)
Monitor(s) Displays
ViewSonic VX 1962 wm
Screen Resolution
1680 X 1050
Hard Drives
Seagate Barracuda 7200.10 80 GB
ST380215A ATA Device 18.6 GB
Western Digital "My Book" external hard drive 750 GB
Cooling
Fan based
Keyboard
Microsoft Comfort Curve Keyboard 2000 v10 USB
Mouse
Logitec optic USB
Internet Speed
3.01 Mb/s download 0.64 Mb/s upload
The Divorced Barbie Doll





The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

:orb:





This one is great! ;)
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
OS
W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
Motherboard
ASUS P5Q Pro
Memory
8GB Dominator 8500C5D
Graphics Card(s)
ATI : XFX 5870
Sound Card
Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
Hard Drives
1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
Cooling
Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
Mouse
Razer Diamondback 3G
Internet Speed
14 Mb/s
Other Info
1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack
I did NOT know this...

The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.

The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and1959
Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1989.
Generation Y are people born between 1990 and now.

Why do we call the last one generation " Y "?

View attachment 102011

The secret to happiness is a good sense of humour and a bad memory.
 
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My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Gateway 17.3" LCD Intel Dual-Core, 8GB RAM 1TB HDD Windows 8 Laptop
OS
Windows 8 - 64-bit
CPU
2.2GHz Intel Pentium dual-core B960 processor with 2MB L3 ca
Memory
8GB DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
Intel HD Graphics with 128MB of dedicated system memory
Monitor(s) Displays
17.3" Ultrabright HD widescreen LED-backlit LCD
Screen Resolution
1280 X 1024
Hard Drives
1TB hard drive-1000 GB HDD
DVD-Super Multi DL drive
PSU
Intel B960 processor
Case
XXXXX
Cooling
XXXXX
Keyboard
Multi Gesture Touchpad
Mouse
USB - portable mouse... I added this
Antivirus
Avast
Browser
I E 10
Other Info
I see nothing about Motherboard info.
I'm not sure about Sound Card
Ports :(3) USB 2.0, (1) HDMI, (1) VGA, (1) Headphone out, (1) Microphone in, (1) Ethernet LAN

•Fast Wi-Fi wireless and wired Gigabit Ethernet networking
•HDMI output
•Kensington lock slot
I have no idea what all this actually means
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move and lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you doing Billy Bob."

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, "but me and the Ole lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Over Clockers Ultima Viper 2.80Ghz
OS
Windows 7 Ultimate 64 - OEM Service Pack 1
CPU
Intel Core i7 930 2.80Ghz Bloomfield Socket LGA 1366
Motherboard
Gigabyte GA-X58A-UD3R Intel X58 Socket 1366 DDR3
Memory
Patriot Viper 6GB 3x2GB DDR3 PC3-1200C9 1600Mhz Tri Channel
Graphics Card(s)
Asus ATI Radeon HD 5770 CuCore 1024MB GDDR5 PCI Express
Sound Card
Realtek ALC889 @ Intel 82801JB ICH10 - High Definition Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
Samsung SyncMaster 920N 19"
Screen Resolution
1280*1024
Hard Drives
1 x OCZ Vertex2 Series 120GB 2.5" SATA-II SSD
1 x Seagate Barracuda 7200.12 1TB SATA-II 32MB Cache
1 x Western Digital Caviar Green 2TB SATA-II 64 MB Cache
PSU
Corsair TX 650W ATX SLi
Case
Antec 902 Ultimate Gaming Case Black
Cooling
Prolimatech Megahalems Rev B CPU Cooler Socket 775/1156/1366
Keyboard
Microsoft Comfort Curve Keyboard
Mouse
Microsoft Optical USB
Internet Speed
ADSL24 FTTC 34.2 Mbps Down 7.1Mbps Up
Other Info
OcUK 22x DVDSATA ReWriter Black
Akasa AK-FN058 Apache Black Super Silent 120mm Fan
Printer Epson Stylus Photo R300
Scanner Canon Canoscan 8000F
Only the Best
"Ours is a good restaurant," said the manager. "If you order an egg, you get the freshest egg in the world. If you order hot coffee, you get the hottest coffee in the world, and..."
"I believe you," said the customer. "I ordered a small steak."
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
custom build
OS
Windows 7 Pro X64
CPU
AMD Phenom II X4 975 Black Edition
Motherboard
MSI 870A-G54 (FX)
Memory
CORSAIR Vengeance 8GB (2 x 4GB) 240-Pin DDR3 SDRAM DDR3 1600
Graphics Card(s)
ASUS EN9800GT HB/HTDI/512M GeForce 9800 GT 512MB 256-bit GDD
Sound Card
Realtek ALC892
Monitor(s) Displays
Viewsonic 19' 16:10
Screen Resolution
1680X1050
Hard Drives
Western Digital Caviar Black WD6401AALS 640GB 7200 RPM SATA,
Western Digital Caviar Black 1TB 7200RPM SATA
PSU
Thermaltake Purepower W0100RU 500W ATX 12V
Case
COOLER MASTER Elite RC-331-KKN1-GP Black SECC ATX Mid Tower
Cooling
Nothing beyond what etch part came with
Keyboard
Logitech G11
Mouse
USB Logitech gaming mouse
Internet Speed
Cable
Other Info
New CPU, Motherboard, and Ram installed 02/2012

Logitech G35 Headset
Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. Rachel arrives first, wearing an Alannah Hill outfit. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Clare arrives shortly afterward, in Sass & Bide. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine.

Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old T-shirt, jeans and boots. She, too, shares the wine.

Rachel explains that after leaving Lauriston and graduating from Melbourne Uni Arts, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has two beautiful daughters. Timothy is a partner at Mallesons. They live in a large house in Toorak, where Charlotte and Emma, their daughters also have their tennis lessons. They have a holiday house in Portsea and regularly ski in Canada.

Clare relates she graduated from Monash Medicine and became a orthapaedic surgeon. Her husband, Edward, is a high profile Macquarie investment banker. They live in a Brighton beachfront mansion and have a holiday flat in Little Cove, Noosa.

Samantha explains she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in the Byron Bay hinterland and grow their own vegetables. Ben can stand five parrots, side by side, on his dick.

Half way down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Rachel blurts out her husband is actually a bank teller at Commonwealth Bank. They live in a small house in Mitcham and have a caravan for their holidays at Tootgarook.

Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Edward are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Rosanna and take holiday camping trips to Torquay.

Samantha admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Put together
OS
Win7 Pro-64 Bit
CPU
i7-2600-3.4GHz
Motherboard
ASRock Z68M
Memory
8 GIG DDR3
Graphics Card(s)
onboard
Sound Card
onboard
Hard Drives
Seagate 1TB 7200RPM
PSU
680 W
Case
black
Cooling
stock fans
Keyboard
Microsoft
Mouse
Microsoft optical
Amazing Bar Stool Economics

From the University of Georgia


Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100 and If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.)

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20." so drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected...

They would still drink for free...

But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'...

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33...

But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer..

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before...

And the first four continued to drink for free...

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man", but he got $10"!

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I"!

"That's true" shouted the seventh man! "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks"!

"Wait a minute", yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor"!

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.


Amazing Bar Stool Economics
 

My Computer

OS
Windows 7 Ultimate
Monitor(s) Displays
Samsung SyncMaster 740B
Hard Drives
240 & 80 gig
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