Jokes Thread [3]

[seavixen32]

I don't need a naughty step.

I'm badly-behaved - permanently!

Dammit, I'm a senior citizen and I've earned the right to do so!

 

[Hopalong X]

SV

Joan told me you were born on a naughty step. I'm not sure what she meant by that.

 

[seavixen32]

Well, every time I asked my parents where I came from they said it was from under a gooseberry bush - that must be where I got my prickly side from.

 

[Hopalong X]

You're saying your a seacactus32?

 

[BlackSparrow]

:roflmao: nice one miss Pebbly xD

 

[seavixen32]

You're saying your a seacactus32?

:roflmao:

No wonder I keep getting thrown out of bed!!

 

[Joan Archer]

:roflmao:

 

[Hopalong X]

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?

Finally this age-old question is answered.....

Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Here is proof that they are wrong.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

You never hear a guy say, "I would like another kick in the nuts."

Case closed.

 

[richnrockville]

I am writing that one down Hopalong X
I can really use that one..

Rich

 

[BlackSparrow]

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

PRICELESS !!!!

Does it bother anyone else when someone is on their cell phone and conducts very personal calls that you really don't want to hear but are trapped into listening? You'll enjoy this one.
After a busy day, and just as everyone was settling down for a nap on the train for home, a man sitting in the midst hauled out his cell phone and started up a loud, lengthy conversation. "Hi darling, it's Bob. I'm on the train. Yes, I know it's the 6:30 not the 4:30, but I had a long meeting.No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss.
No, darling, you're the only one in my life.Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah . . .
" When this went on more than 15 minutes, a young woman sitting opposite him, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice,"Hey, Bob! Turn off that phone and come back to bed!“

 

[Hopalong X]

...Bob arrived home but was never heard from again.
:roflmao:

 

[BlackSparrow]

:roflmao:

 

[MWRed]

Lmao.....poor Bob

 

[BlackSparrow]

I once called Steven Hawkings house
'Hello. This. Is. Steven. Hawkings.'
'Yes I would like to leave a message'
'No. This. IS. Steven. Hawkings'

Edit: and another one!

My Guinea Pig passed away, he died at the wheel

 

[tommcgtx]

Robot for sale

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that day.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?

"Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son. Son says,

"Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says,"What?

At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says,"Well he certainly is your son!"

The robot slaps the mother!

 

[Hopalong X]

For Pebbly, Joan and LPt!

 

[seavixen32]

Also for Pebbly, LPT and Joan:

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you flaming idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her bloody husband!"

 

[FaberTech]

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.



The bar tender asks...


"Why the long face?"

 

[Joan Archer]

For Pebbly, Joan and LPt!

:roflmao::devil2: