Jokes Thread [3]

[jadinolf]

I agree but in this case, it's a city law. The store has nothing to do except comply with the law.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Are we still in the JOKE THREAD or Plastic, paper, or bring your own bag thread?
THW

 

[jadinolf]

Are we still in the JOKE THREAD or Plastic, paper, or bring your own bag thread?
THW

We think it's a joke.

 

[COMPUTIAC]

Wolfman Worries


The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.


"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.


"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.


"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.


"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! Alright! Is that alright with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"


At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.


Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

 

[jadinolf]

Sure sounds familiar.

 

[Lady Fitzgerald]

Sure sounds familiar.

You think we enjoy it?

 

[pebbly]

A young lady went to the doctor's for a check-up:
"By the way, Doctor, my boyfriend has dandruff. Is there anything you can suggest?"
"Why don't you just give him Head & Shoulders?"
After a short pause; "How do you give shoulders?"

 

[jadinolf]

pebbly, you're BAD!

 

[Kari]

pebbly, you're BAD!

No, she's just bad enough to understand what gets us men to tick .

 

[Lady Fitzgerald]

pebbly, you're BAD!

You say that like it's not a good thing.

 

[ICIT2LOL]

A young lady went to the doctor's for a check-up:
"By the way, Doctor, my boyfriend has dandruff. Is there anything you can suggest?"
"Why don't you just give him Head & Shoulders?"
After a short pause; "How do you give shoulders?"

Wow can you actually do that ?? LOL!!:roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.

 

[ICIT2LOL]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.

:roflmao:I'll pay that one

 

[A Guy]

Lol, stole that one Dennis

A Guy

 

[Kari]

Long time since the last OSC(*) joke. Thanks Dennis, that's a good one .

(*) OSC = On-Screen Coffee, result of laughing out loud while drinking coffee in front of the display

 

[A Guy]

A termite walks into a bar and says, " Is the bar tender here?"

A Guy

 

[ICIT2LOL]

Bloke goes the the doctor and "Doc I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains"
Doc looks up at him say "Pull yourself together man!!"

 

[jadinolf]

Good ones, guys.

 

[Britton30]

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked
about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you,
I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill ,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you '
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay
his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress was very
happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free haircut.

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An Apache goes to the medicineman. Medicineman I am confused, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, can you help?
Medicineman say, brave warrior, you are two tents.

 

[Gekie]

:roflmao: this make me remember Obama