Jokes Thread

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I'm still laughing from the joke .. Glad you liked it also. :roflmao:

 

[CarlTR6]

Patience is a virtue


A woman in a super market is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson...

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

A woman in a super market is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson...

:roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

Where your dog is secretly going

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

You can tell I love Little Boys :

A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.

He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What do you have there?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

 

[CarlTR6]

You can tell I love Little Boys :

A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.

He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What do you have there?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Cute!!

 

[xarden]

My 200th post, so I'l make a joke:
Why'd the chicken cross the road?


To get to the other side!
:roflmao:

Oh... I guess you've heard that one before...

 

[Dom]

My 200th post, so I'l make a joke:
Why'd the chicken cross the road?


To get to the other side!
:roflmao:

Oh... I guess you've heard that one before...

That ones new to me!
Congratulations!!

 

[ZaLiTH]

I got a couple brilliant emails recently from a friend, thought I'd share the jokes here:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The women rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologise. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes, "the man replied. But, he was in obvious agony, lying on the ground in the fatal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hand away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hand inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked "How does that feel"?

He replied: "It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken"

An elderly widower had owned and lived on a large property in outback Queensland for many years. A long time ago, when his wife was young, he had made a dam in the lower paddock into a perfect spot for swimming, sheltered by mature mango and avocado trees. He'd placed picnic tables there.

One hot afternoon he went down with a 10-litre bucket to bring back some of the ripe fruit hanging in abundance. As he neared the dam he heard voices shouting and laughing. A few steps more and he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping, splashing happily in the water.

They became suddenly aware of his presence and uttering maidenly shrieks swam to the deep end. One called to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man waved a dismissive hand. "I didn't come down to spy on you ladies or make you get out of the dam naked," he assured them. Holding up the bucket up so they could see it, he said: "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.​

 

[Borg 386]

You know you're using a REALLY old computer when you launch it & this comes up

 

[CarlTR6]

You know you're using a REALLY old computer when you launch it & this comes up

I remember those!

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Now I know why I couldn't sleep last night!


Just trying to keep pace with A Guy, Derek, Richard and BFK

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

@ZaLiTH, those are good.

 

[PooMan UK]

.......

 

[CarlTR6]

.......

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

A must read for Grandparents..
(Those who aren't will love it, too.)

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'

The little boy nodded 'yes'.

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head.

Do you understand all that?'

The little boy nodded 'yes' again.

He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass', is it?

The little boy shook his head 'NO'.

'GOOD', said the coach.

'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.'

 

[CarlTR6]

:roflmao: Having been a Little League coach...

 

[rangsun]

short but sweet!

 

[Darician]

You know you're using a REALLY old computer when you launch it & this comes up

I remember those!

Streets of SimCity. Right on the menu loading screen. Damn, that was a while ago.

 

[Arc]

.......

This caution is for alligators ..... I hope :huh: