Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #711

    All right boys.........time for your night time meds!
    Attachment 129458

    jfar you are first so bend over honey....
    Doc your next and then Mike!
    Last edited by The Howling Wolves; 29 Jan 2011 at 20:29.
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  2. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #712

    I got a new jacket for Christmas, you can't keep me out of it.


    Jokes Thread 2-straigh-jacket..png
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  3. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #713

    If you tied me up in the straightjacket with the girl that's in there now I probably wouldn't mind dropping trou' for the gal with the needle.

    Not that I'm weird or anything...
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  4. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #714

    Stay away from my jacket, it's my jacket, mine I tell you.
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  5. Posts : 9,606
    Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
       #715

    Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk. One of them asked the other, "So, what do you hunt?"

    He answered, "I hunt unicorns."
    The first hunter was startled, but said, "Really? How do you do that?"
    The other answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."
    The first hunter said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."













    The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!"
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Jokes Thread 2-a_real_unicorn__lol_xd_by_animals09890.png  
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  6. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #716

    jfar said:
    Stay away from my jacket, it's my jacket, mine I tell you.
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  7. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #717

    jfar said:
    Stay away from my jacket, it's my jacket, mine I tell you.
    Maybe your jacket but the lining is all mine!!!
    Jacket is made out of goat skin anyway!
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  8. Posts : 2,737
    Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
       #718

    John just finished making love to his girlfriend for the first time. While they lay in bed enjoying what they have shared John turns to her and says, “I am I really only the 3rd man to make love to you?” she replies, “Of course you are. I am very selective with whom I sleep with.” John feeling very good thinks for a minute and then says, “I am I really the best lover you have ever had?” she replies, “I must say you are wonderful very tender when needed and aggressive just at the right moments. You have mastered many techniques and you know so many different positions just like a pro. You are the best I have ever had.” John just beside himself and feeling on top of the world says, “And….am I really the biggest you ever had?” she replies, “Absolutely! Now go to sleep and stop asking so many questions….<sigh>….you men all ask the same questions!”
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  9. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #719

    The Howling Wolves said:
    > > #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!
    That's a good one :) Here's a similar, true story.

    My father was an alcoholic gambler. No reason to deny that. He and my mother divorced in 1982, and father died two years later in 1984, at the age of 48.

    After the divorce he lived a short period with me, then married with my wife #1. I remember one time with him, when we were both quite intoxicated, I asked him why they had divorced. Father told me that mother finally found out about his other girlfriends, or if she had known already, finally got enough of it.

    I was in my early 20's, really in love with my equally young wife, expecting our second son; first had born in 1981 when we both were only 22 years old. I could not understand how my father could not be happy with the woman he had married out of love.

    My father told me this. I can still remember the full story, as I can see my father in my eyes telling it, his voice and his always present mixed smell of Old Spice after shave, brandy and cigar smoke:
    You like reading, Kari? Think this: as a young man, you find a book you like very much. You have difficulties to let the book out of your hands before you have read it from cover to cover. You keep it on your nightstand, to read again and again. Sometimes you read a few chapters, sometimes only a few words, sometimes you wake up in the morning book still on your hands. Day after day, month after month, year after year.

    Then the day comes you realize you get nothing more out of that book. You have found every possible hidden twist in it, you know all the characters as if they were your close friends. You start thinking about other books, and then one day you find yourself from a library and suddenly realize it's a whole new world. Books of every type. Short stories, poems, novels, biographies, everything. You can just show your library card, get the book, read it, return it the very next day or keep a bit longer. Read once or twice or ten times but finally return it. And your favorite book, the one you love, stays home and is always available when you want to read it.

    It seems your mother was happy as long as I only read short stories. When I went to Dickens and Dostoevsky, needing more and more time to finish a book, she couldn't take it anymore.
    As I mentioned, this is a true story. I find it very sad, although the same happened to me in my first three short marriages. Only after finding my sweet, dear Angie have I no longer "visited the library".

    Kari
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  10. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #720

    A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a
    uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The cop asked,
    "What's he like? "The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big
    tits. "
    -------------------------

    Father: Godfather my boy is a good boy but he can't get a job because
    he's a deaf mute.
    Godfather: I will give him a job as a bag man. He will pick up the
    money from my bookies and bring it back here. he doesn't have to talk
    to anybody. Two weeks go by and the Father is grabbed off the street
    brought to the
    Godfathers office. His Son is sitting in a chair all beat up.
    Godfather: $50,000.00 is missing, ask your Son where it is. The
    Father: turns to the boy and in sign language says...."What did you
    do? Where is the money? they are going to kill you!
    Son: (in sign language) I don't know anything about the money
    Father: Godfather my Son is a good boy. He says he didn't steal any
    money
    Godfather: Pulls a gun from his drawer and lays it on the desk and
    says..."ask him again" The Father: (in sign language) This guy is
    serious, he's going to kill you! where is the money?
    Son: (in sign language) I honestly dad I don't have any money
    Father: Godfather my Son says he doesn't have your money, Please
    believe him.
    Godfather: Puts the gun to the boys head, pulls the hammer back, and
    says..."ask him one last time" The Father: (in sign language) He's
    going to kill you for sure, for you mother's sake please, WHERE IS THE
    MONEY?
    Son: (in sign language) all right, all right its in a shoe box in the
    attic under moms wedding dress!
    Father: Godfather my Son says GO TO HELL!
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