Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

20 Jan 2011   #861
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #862
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Lol, I posted this in the youtube dump a little while ago, was on the Comcast homepage. Got to admit, if you are walking without watching where you are going, you get what you deserve. People are so engrossed in texting, no one has that much interesting to say. It's all about not being able to just be quiet and concentrate on what you are doing. A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #863
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows

up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island..

The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into

ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,

"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor

made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.

She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.

You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes..

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"You've built a Golf Course?"

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

21 Jan 2011   #864
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
Lol, I posted this in the youtube dump a little while ago, was on the Comcast homepage. Got to admit, if you are walking without watching where you are going, you get what you deserve. People are so engrossed in texting, no one has that much interesting to say. It's all about not being able to just be quiet and concentrate on what you are doing. A Guy

I saw on the news last night that she is going to sue the people that laughed at her at the time, I think she needs laughed at and a whole lot more for being such an idiot.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #865
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Bare Foot Kid View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
Lol, I posted this in the youtube dump a little while ago, was on the Comcast homepage. Got to admit, if you are walking without watching where you are going, you get what you deserve. People are so engrossed in texting, no one has that much interesting to say. It's all about not being able to just be quiet and concentrate on what you are doing. A Guy

I saw on the news last night that she is going to sue the people that laughed at her at the time, I think she needs laughed at and a whole lot more for being such an idiot.
I saw that on the news, too. I would love to be on that jury!! As a biker, I have a great fear of people driving while talking on a cell phone, not to mention texting. I have had several close calls from drivers talking on cell phones. I think she got exaclty what she deserved.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #866
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Two women playing golf. One tees-up hits the ball and slices it. The ball streaks across the course and slams into a groundsman standing nearby. He collapses in a heap, hands between his legs and starts thrashing about on the grass.
One of the women runs across and says " it's alright, I'm a doctor". She unfastens his belt, sticks her hand down his trousers and starts massaging his private parts.
After five minutes she asks how that feels. The groundsman, pulling his hands from between his legs and holding his thumb up says,

" great, but do you think I'll loose the nail ?".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #867
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Two women playing golf. One tees-up hits the ball and slices it. The ball streaks across the course and slams into a groundsman standing nearby. He collapses in a heap, hands between his legs and starts thrashing about on the grass.
One of the women runs across and says " it's alright, I'm a doctor". She unfastens his belt, sticks her hand down his trousers and starts massaging his private parts.
After five minutes she asks how that feels. The groundsman, pulling his hands from between his legs and holding his thumb up says,

" great, but do you think I'll loose the nail ?".


My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #868
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Sex and Good English Grammar

On his 78th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,'This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'
When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged.
As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #869
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Jan 2011   #870
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
Sex and Good English Grammar

On his 78th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,'This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected.
You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'
When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged.
As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:25.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App