Jokes Thread 2

[The Howling Wolves]

Mike,
I am a slooooooooooooooooooowwww readdddddddddderrrrrrrrrrrr!
Comprehension is not much better.

I posted that joke just for you as a reminder that I am doing my share to cut back...
Are you???? hehehhe

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

OLE Fills In​

A doctor in Nor' Dakota wanted to getoff work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.




'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care ofthree patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave himMAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.






'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties and liesdown on the table and shouts: 'HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!'





'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole,what did you do?' asks the doctor.

J


'I put drops in her eyes!!


View attachment 137573​

 

[Hopalong X]

LPt
Taking lessons from Pebbly I see. :roflmao:

 

[nitroman84]

A man is in the doctor's office for a check up. After completing a series of tests the doctor says, I have some good news and some bad news. A little worried the man says well tell me the bad news. The doctor says you have terminal cancer and I estimate only about 3 weeks to live. Completely devastated the man asks so what is the good news? The doctor leans toward him and says you see that young lady? pointing to his receptionist. The man says yes, what about her? The doctor smiles and says I'm banging her.

 

[Cato]

The weather here is never boring!

You got that right, and this month has proved it once again. This time next week it may be 70, or like it is this morning, -10.

 

[pebbly]

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Really ?", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"​

 

[Dwarf]

:roflmao:

Don't tell me you're still 27, Kathryn.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Pebbly is really struggling to find good jokes....This one is older than I am.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

:roflmao:

Don't tell me you're still 27, Kathryn.

Kathryn is 37 and still looking for that goblin!

 

[severedsolo]

Here is one that the woman I used to work with told me.

WARNING: Contains theme's of an adult nature.

Three sailors are on shore leave, as they have a little money in their pockets, they decide to go to a brothel. Before long they find one that looks good, the sign outside says "£1 per inch."

So, the first sailor goes in to try it out, when he comes out his friends ask "So, was it good? how much did you pay?"
The sailor replies "£6"
Deciding that this is a good deal, the 2nd sailor goes in, when he comes out his friends say to him "How much did you pay then?"
"£7" he replies.
So, the third sailor goes in, when he comes out and they ask him how much he paid he replies "£3".
The 1st sailor exclaims "What? Hang on, I paid £6, he paid £7, how did you get away with only paying £3?"
The 3rd sailor replies, "Well I'm not stupid, I paid afterwards"

 

[pebbly]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

 

[spinifex]

Excellent Miss K.:roflmao:

 

[pebbly]

It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo.
She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large
gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with
one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand.
The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease
the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her
bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited,
making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She
does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try
lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage
door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut.
"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

 

[Kari]

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

LMAO that's a good one!

 

[Dwarf]

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

:roflmao:

You're truly back on top form, Kathryn.

 

[xxxdannyxxx]

It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo.
She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large
gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with
one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand.
The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease
the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her
bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited,
making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She
does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try
lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage
door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut.
"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

Was having a bad day until i saw this
thankyou:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

danny,
Any day above ground is a great day so you couldn't be having a bad one!!

 

[pebbly]

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He
tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks
when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence
returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is
watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again.
He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner,
he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the
parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the
parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot:
"What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for
a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The
parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rotweiller Jesus."

 

[xxxdannyxxx]

danny,
Any day above ground is a great day so you couldn't be having a bad one!!

Too True (But i live in a cave lol)

Danny