Jokes Thread [3]

[BlackSparrow]

That's the ugliest-looking dog I ever saw. :sarc:

DAWG ??? ....that aint no dog.. looks mightly like a guina pig to me.. but whatta I know.

Pit bull / hamster mix. :shock:

thought it would of been more like a bull dog / hamster mix?

 

[Hopalong X]

[
thought it would of been more like a bull dog / hamster mix?

A lot of bull anyway.

If you cross a labrador with a poodle you get a labradoodle.
Maybe it is a cross between a dingo and a miniature poodle.

A mini Dingdoodle. :devil:

 

[cyclic]

2 Irish lads set out for a good days drinking. They get to a bar
Mick says to the barman, I've always fancied the look of that stuff the Pope drinks.
Barmen. Oh that's creme de menthe sir.
Mick great we'll have 2 pints of that then.
Barman but sir it's usually served in a small sherry glass.
Mick if it's good enough for the Pope it's good enough for us. 2 pints please !

They sit down at a table and drink their pints of creme de menthe.

Mick decides to go to the boys room, as he tries to stand he collapses in a heap.

Mick Bloody hell it's no wonder they carry him around everywhere !

 

[BlackSparrow]

[
thought it would of been more like a bull dog / hamster mix?

A lot of bull anyway.

If you cross a labrador with a poodle you get a labradoodle.
Maybe it is a cross between a dingo and a miniature poodle.

A mini Dingdoodle. :devil:

Hahaha! I don't think it would be a Dingo cross poodle... more like a Dingo cross pit bull... a mini Dingbull!

 

[BlackSparrow]

I swear, I have never been in a bar with my monkey!

A Guy

Are you sure? I'm pretty sure i saw a monkey in a bar not that long ago!

 

[rare]

What's the difference between a monkey?

One's green and the other one is also yellow.

 

[BlackSparrow]

i don't get it rare... and here's another 2 jokes i just remembered!

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
You get a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye!
and
What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A Playboy!

 

[BugMeister]

not strictly a joke, in the traditional sense, but..
..I had to chuckle at this news report:

Escaped Convict John Holland And Prison Officer Christine Robertson Found Naked In Bed During Police Raid


ref paragraph 6.. :roflmao:

 

[Hopalong X]

not strictly a joke, in the traditional sense, but..
..I had to chuckle at this news report:

Escaped Convict John Holland And Prison Officer Christine Robertson Found Naked In Bed During Police Raid


ref paragraph 6.. :roflmao:

Too bad there is no video.
That would be a great installment on our "Cops" TV show over here.

 

[rare]

i don't get it rare...

Yeah, you're not supposed to get it, its just really stupid

 

[BlackSparrow]

not strictly a joke, in the traditional sense, but..
..I had to chuckle at this news report:

Escaped Convict John Holland And Prison Officer Christine Robertson Found Naked In Bed During Police Raid


ref paragraph 6.. :roflmao:

LOOL! you are a great spotter of these things BugMeister xD!

 

[pebbly]

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:'A pumpkin? S**t ... is it midnight already?'

 

[Kari]

Kathryn, you made me spill my coffee again

 

[Hopalong X]

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck!

 

[The Howling Wolves]

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck!

I would have taken the truck too!:huh:

 

[BlackSparrow]

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck!

Truck too! But what about Tammie?

 

[seavixen32]

I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!

 

[BlackSparrow]

I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!

She said anything you want right? so why not her money too?

 

[Hopalong X]

I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!

She said anything you want right? so why not her money too?

SeaV

The joke was sent to me in an email from my brother.
It included a picture of the truck and Tammi. :shock:
You would have just taken the truck.


BlackSparrow

If he took her money how was she going to pay for the truck?

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

It’s the Irish again,


An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

'Twenty pounds' she whispers.

Paddy had never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it's only twenty pounds. So they hid in the bushes.

They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a Police Officer.

'What's going on here, people?' asks the cop

'I'm making love to me wife!,' Paddy answers sounding annoyed-
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'

'Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that bloddy light in her face!!'