Jokes Thread

Bare Foot Kid said:

madtownidiot said:

Ein Zuhörer zum anderen: 'Wie lang
redet der Bundeskanzler jetzt schon?'
Antwort: 'Eine halbe Stunde.'
Zuhörer: 'Und worüber redet er?'
Antwort: 'Das sagt er nicht!'

That's all Greek to me.

Translation:

- 'How long has the secretary of state already spoken?'
- 'Half an hour.'
- 'About what?'
- 'He hasn't said it yet.'

Kari said:

Bare Foot Kid said:

madtownidiot said:

Ein Zuhörer zum anderen: 'Wie lang
redet der Bundeskanzler jetzt schon?'
Antwort: 'Eine halbe Stunde.'
Zuhörer: 'Und worüber redet er?'
Antwort: 'Das sagt er nicht!'

That's all Greek to me.

Translation:

- 'How long has the secretary of state already spoken?'
- 'Half an hour.'
- 'About what?'
- 'He hasn't said it yet.'

Thanks Kari, that's German right?

Bare Foot Kid said:

Kari said:

Bare Foot Kid said:

That's all Greek to me.

Translation:

- 'How long has the secretary of state already spoken?'
- 'Half an hour.'
- 'About what?'
- 'He hasn't said it yet.'

Thanks Kari, that's German right?

Richtig.

Bare Foot Kid said:

Kari said:

Bare Foot Kid said:

That's all Greek to me.

Translation:

- 'How long has the secretary of state already spoken?'
- 'Half an hour.'
- 'About what?'
- 'He hasn't said it yet.'

Thanks Kari, that's German right?

Ja, das war Deutsch.
Yeah, that was German. Grammatically absolutely pure and fine German, wonder where he's learned that...

Kari said:

Ja, das war Deutsch.
Yeah, that was German. Grammatically absolutely pure and fine German, wonder where he's learned that...

Looks like he's just written some Greek above.

madtownidiot said:

γιατί το κοτόπουλο διασχίζουν το δρόμο; ...that's greek

για να φτάσουμε στην άλλη πλευρά

"Why does the (Greek) chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side"

Google translation works wonders...

Agora eu quero ver em Português...

madtownidiot said:

the first line is "why did the chicken cross the road"
someone complained instead of laughing, so no more jokes from me

What are you referring to; I don't see where someone has complained.

Jonathan_King said:

Three guys died when they got to the pearly gates St Peter met them and said " I know you guys are forgiven because your here but before you get into heaven I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven as it is soo big". St Peter asks the first guy : How long were you married ? he replies 24 years.
Did u ever cheat on your wife ? asks St Peter
The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times, but you said I was forgiven."
Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Skoda to drive.
The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter and says, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year, so we really worked it out."
Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that; here's your Mondeo."
The third guy walked up and said, " Peter , I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"
Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"
A little while later, the two guys with the Mondeo and the Skoda saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden pavement, so they went to see what was the matter.
When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said,
"I just saw my wife; she was on a skateboard!"

Not long after this, a fourth guy died and when he arrived at the pearly gates St. Peter met him and asked the same questions that he asked the other guys. The fourth guy replied "75 years" and again, like the third guy, said that he'd not even looked at another woman, treated her like royalty and whatever she wanted to do, he was more than happy to support her.
St. Peter was more than impressed, and he gave the man a top of the range Bentley convertible.
For a while, the man was very happy driving around in his luxury car. Then he came across the other guys. The third guy had, by this time, recovered and was looking forward to a game of golf with his two buddies, but unfortunately their cars had broken down. Being the nice man that he is, he immediately offered the others a ride in his Bentley, in return for which the others invited him to play golf with them.
On the way to the golf club, the third man once again saw his wife on the skateboard, this time coming towards them. They soon passed each other, and not a word was said.
Not long after, they saw someone in the distance. She was wearing roller skates, and as they got nearer to each other the fourth man suddenly exclaimed "Bloody 'ell, that's my wife!" The others said to him "You told us that you treated her like royalty, and that you did everything that she wanted." The man replied "Yes, I did. She told me to always wear a blindfold and earmuffs in her presence because she didn't like me to see or hear what she was doing. I guess that I was a bit naive, but now I understand." He began to sob uncontrollably. The others did their best to console him, and even his wife stopped and tried to comfort him.
All of a sudden, St. Peter arrived and, in a booming voice, said "Come home to bed, Mavis. It's well past your bed time, and the bed is awfully cold without you."