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Paddy's fingers
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally
cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said,
'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said,

'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2008!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.

I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said,

' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!
 
Paddy's fingers

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally
cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said,
'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2008!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said,

' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!



Oh that's so silly it's funny. :)
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
OS
W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
Motherboard
ASUS P5Q Pro
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8GB Dominator 8500C5D
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ATI : XFX 5870
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Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
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1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
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Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
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Razer Diamondback 3G
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14 Mb/s
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1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack
Takes out notebook and makes a note of name, harry5, mmmm
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Self Build 64bit
OS
Vista Ult64, Win7600
CPU
Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 @ 2400 MHz 64bit OS
Motherboard
Asus P5E3 Deluxe WiFi @p 64 bit OS
Memory
4096 MB DDR3-SDRAM
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ATI Radeon HD 3870 Series x2 Crossfired
Sound Card
Realtek on board
Monitor(s) Displays
Samsung SyncMaster - 23 inches
Screen Resolution
1680x1050 pixels at 60 Hz in True Colors
Hard Drives
Hitachi (250 GB)/Samsung 750 GB. /Barracuda 160 GB.
My Book 1 TB external..
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Cooler Master 1000w
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Cooler Master Cosmos 1000.
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Fans and fresh air,
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Wireless
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Wireless
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Never fast enough
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I use a Magnum.
Takes out notebook and makes a note of name, harry5, mmmm

Use your honorary nationality, so you can laugh at Paddy jokes...
 

My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP ENVY 17-1150eg
OS
Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
CPU
1.6 GHz Intel Core i7-720QM Processor
Memory
6 GB
Graphics Card(s)
ATI Mobility Radeon HD 5850 Graphics
Sound Card
Beats sound system with integrated subwoofer
Monitor(s) Displays
17" laptop display, 22" LED and 32" Full HD TV through HDMI
Screen Resolution
1600*900 (1), 1920*1080 (2&3)
Hard Drives
Internal: 2 x 500 GB SATA Hard Disk Drive 7200 rpm
External: 2TB for backups, 3TB USB3 network drive for media
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As Envy runs a bit warm, I have it on a Cooler Master pad
Keyboard
Logitech diNovo Media Desktop Laser (bluetooth)
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Logitech Performance Mouse MX
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50/10 Mbps VDSL
Antivirus
Windows Defender 4.3.9431.0
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Maxthon 3.5.2., IE11
Ein Zuhörer zum anderen: 'Wie lang
redet der Bundeskanzler jetzt schon?'
Antwort: 'Eine halbe Stunde.'
Zuhörer: 'Und worüber redet er?'
Antwort: 'Das sagt er nicht!'
 
Ein Zuhörer zum anderen: 'Wie lang
redet der Bundeskanzler jetzt schon?'
Antwort: 'Eine halbe Stunde.'
Zuhörer: 'Und worüber redet er?'
Antwort: 'Das sagt er nicht!'



That's all Greek to me. :shock:
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
OS
W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
Motherboard
ASUS P5Q Pro
Memory
8GB Dominator 8500C5D
Graphics Card(s)
ATI : XFX 5870
Sound Card
Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
Hard Drives
1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
Cooling
Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
Mouse
Razer Diamondback 3G
Internet Speed
14 Mb/s
Other Info
1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack
Der Richter zum Angeklagten: "Sie sind beschuldigt, Ihren Nachbarn unter Schimpfworten in den Wald getrieben und dort ganz fürchterlich verprügelt zu haben. Sind Sie da nicht ein bisschen zu weit gegangen, Angeklagter?"
Antwort: "Ja, das stimmt, Herr Richter! Ich hätte es schon vorher auf der Wiese tun sollen!"
Translation : The judge to the defendant: ' You are accused, of beating the living tar out of your neighbors entire family! Have you not gone there a little bit too far, defendant? '
Answer: ' Yes, this is right, Mr. judge! They kept trying to run away! '
 
Three guys died when they got to the pearly gates St Peter met them and said " I know you guys are forgiven because your here but before you get into heaven I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven as it is soo big". St Peter asks the first guy : How long were you married ? he replies 24 years.
Did u ever cheat on your wife ? asks St Peter
The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times, but you said I was forgiven."
Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Skoda to drive.
The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter and says, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year, so we really worked it out."
Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that; here's your Mondeo."
The third guy walked up and said, " Peter , I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"
Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"
A little while later, the two guys with the Mondeo and the Skoda saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden pavement, so they went to see what was the matter.
When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said,
"I just saw my wife; she was on a skateboard!"
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Custom
OS
Windows 7 Professional x64
CPU
Intel i7 2600K OC'd @ 4620 MHz
Motherboard
Asus P8Z68-V Pro
Memory
16GB GSkill Sniper 2133 Mhz (4x4GB)
Graphics Card(s)
EVGA GeForce GTX 480 SuperClocked+
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition Audio
Monitor(s) Displays
2x Acer S273HLbmii 27"
Screen Resolution
2 x 1920x1080
Hard Drives
64GB Crucial M4 SSD

Storage: Hitachi 1TB 5400RPM, Samsung 1.5TB 5400RPM
PSU
Corsair HW Series 750w (modular)
Case
Cooler Master HAF 932 Advanced Blue Edition
Cooling
CM Hyper 212+ CPU cooler, 3x 230mm + 1x 140mm case fans
Keyboard
Logitech MK320 (wireless)
Mouse
Logitech MK320 (wireless)
Internet Speed
30 Mb/s : 2 Mb/s
Anyone know real reason some like it doggy style?

So one can pick the carpet, while the other one's peekin out the window
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Self Build 64bit
OS
Vista Ult64, Win7600
CPU
Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 @ 2400 MHz 64bit OS
Motherboard
Asus P5E3 Deluxe WiFi @p 64 bit OS
Memory
4096 MB DDR3-SDRAM
Graphics Card(s)
ATI Radeon HD 3870 Series x2 Crossfired
Sound Card
Realtek on board
Monitor(s) Displays
Samsung SyncMaster - 23 inches
Screen Resolution
1680x1050 pixels at 60 Hz in True Colors
Hard Drives
Hitachi (250 GB)/Samsung 750 GB. /Barracuda 160 GB.
My Book 1 TB external..
PSU
Cooler Master 1000w
Case
Cooler Master Cosmos 1000.
Cooling
Fans and fresh air,
Keyboard
Wireless
Mouse
Wireless
Internet Speed
Never fast enough
Other Info
I use a Magnum.
Ein Zuhörer zum anderen: 'Wie lang
redet der Bundeskanzler jetzt schon?'
Antwort: 'Eine halbe Stunde.'
Zuhörer: 'Und worüber redet er?'
Antwort: 'Das sagt er nicht!'

That's all Greek to me. :shock:
Translation:

- 'How long has the secretary of state already spoken?'
- 'Half an hour.'
- 'About what?'
- 'He hasn't said it yet.'
 

My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP ENVY 17-1150eg
OS
Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
CPU
1.6 GHz Intel Core i7-720QM Processor
Memory
6 GB
Graphics Card(s)
ATI Mobility Radeon HD 5850 Graphics
Sound Card
Beats sound system with integrated subwoofer
Monitor(s) Displays
17" laptop display, 22" LED and 32" Full HD TV through HDMI
Screen Resolution
1600*900 (1), 1920*1080 (2&3)
Hard Drives
Internal: 2 x 500 GB SATA Hard Disk Drive 7200 rpm
External: 2TB for backups, 3TB USB3 network drive for media
Cooling
As Envy runs a bit warm, I have it on a Cooler Master pad
Keyboard
Logitech diNovo Media Desktop Laser (bluetooth)
Mouse
Logitech Performance Mouse MX
Internet Speed
50/10 Mbps VDSL
Antivirus
Windows Defender 4.3.9431.0
Browser
Maxthon 3.5.2., IE11

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
OS
W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
Motherboard
ASUS P5Q Pro
Memory
8GB Dominator 8500C5D
Graphics Card(s)
ATI : XFX 5870
Sound Card
Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
Hard Drives
1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
Cooling
Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
Mouse
Razer Diamondback 3G
Internet Speed
14 Mb/s
Other Info
1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack

My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Dwarf Dwf/11/2012 r09/2013
OS
Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
CPU
Intel Core-i5-3570K 4-core @ 3.4GHz (Ivy Bridge) (OC 4.4GHz)
Motherboard
ASRock Z77 Extreme4-M
Memory
4 x 4GB DDR3-1600 Corsair Vengeance CMZ8GX3M2A1600C9B (16GB)
Graphics Card(s)
MSI GeForce GTX770 Gaming OC 2GB
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition on board solution (ALC 898)
Monitor(s) Displays
ViewSonic VA1912w Widescreen (VGA)
Screen Resolution
1440x900
Hard Drives
OCZ Agility 3 SSD 120GB SATA III x2 (RAID 0)
Samsung HD501LJ 500GB SATA II x2
Hitachi HDS721010CLA332 1TB SATA II
Iomega 1.5TB Ext USB 2.0
WD 2.0TB Ext USB 3.0
PSU
XFX Pro Series 850W Semi-Modular
Case
Gigabyte IF233
Cooling
1 x 120mm Front Inlet 1 x 120mm Rear Exhaust
Keyboard
Microsoft Comfort Curve Keyboard 3000 (USB)
Mouse
Microsoft Comfort Mouse 3000 for Business (USB)
Internet Speed
NetGear DG834Gv3 ADSL Modem/Router (Ethernet) ~4.0 Mb/s (O2)
Antivirus
Avast! 8.0.1497
Browser
IE 11
Other Info
Optical Drive: HL-DT-ST BD-RE BH10LS30 SATA Bluray
Lexmark S305 Printer/Scanner/Copier (USB)
WEI Score: 8.1/8.1/8.5/8.5/8.25
Asus Eee PC 1011PX Netbook (Windows 7 x86 Starter)
γιατί το κοτόπουλο διασχίζουν το δρόμο; ...that's greek

για να φτάσουμε στην άλλη πλευρά
 

My Computer

Computer type
Laptop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
HP ENVY 17-1150eg
OS
Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
CPU
1.6 GHz Intel Core i7-720QM Processor
Memory
6 GB
Graphics Card(s)
ATI Mobility Radeon HD 5850 Graphics
Sound Card
Beats sound system with integrated subwoofer
Monitor(s) Displays
17" laptop display, 22" LED and 32" Full HD TV through HDMI
Screen Resolution
1600*900 (1), 1920*1080 (2&3)
Hard Drives
Internal: 2 x 500 GB SATA Hard Disk Drive 7200 rpm
External: 2TB for backups, 3TB USB3 network drive for media
Cooling
As Envy runs a bit warm, I have it on a Cooler Master pad
Keyboard
Logitech diNovo Media Desktop Laser (bluetooth)
Mouse
Logitech Performance Mouse MX
Internet Speed
50/10 Mbps VDSL
Antivirus
Windows Defender 4.3.9431.0
Browser
Maxthon 3.5.2., IE11
Ja, das war Deutsch.
Yeah, that was German. Grammatically absolutely pure and fine German, wonder where he's learned that...


Looks like he's just written some Greek above. :shock:
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
OS
W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
Motherboard
ASUS P5Q Pro
Memory
8GB Dominator 8500C5D
Graphics Card(s)
ATI : XFX 5870
Sound Card
Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
Hard Drives
1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
Cooling
Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
Mouse
Razer Diamondback 3G
Internet Speed
14 Mb/s
Other Info
1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack
γιατί το κοτόπουλο διασχίζουν το δρόμο; ...that's greek

για να φτάσουμε στην άλλη πλευρά

"Why does the (Greek) chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side"

Google translation works wonders...

Agora eu quero ver em Português...
 

My Computer

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Wally, Innc.
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Windows 7 x64 finally!
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AMD Athlon II X2 240
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Biostar TA790GX XE
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OCZ Platinum 4GB DDR2 1066 (will not work past 800MHz)
Graphics Card(s)
MSI R4670-MD1G Radeon HD 4670 1GB 128-bit GDDR3
Sound Card
ATI High Definition Audio Device Realtek ALC888
Monitor(s) Displays
HP w19e
Screen Resolution
1440x900
Hard Drives
Western Digital Caviar Green WD5000AADS 500GB SATA
Western Digital Caviar Blue WD5000AAKS 500GB SATA
PSU
Athena Power Micro ATX 400W
Case
HEC 6T 6T10BB Black MicroATX Mini Tower
Cooling
stock
Keyboard
wired, many keys
Mouse
HP wireless, 2 buttons, 1 wheel
Internet Speed
DSL 2Mb (recently getting 1.65M!)
the first line is "why did the chicken cross the road"
someone complained instead of laughing, so no more jokes from me
 
the first line is "why did the chicken cross the road"
someone complained instead of laughing, so no more jokes from me


What are you referring to; I don't see where someone has complained.
 

My Computer

Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
* BFK Customs *
OS
W 7 64-bit Ultimate
CPU
Intel Q9550 Yorkfield
Motherboard
ASUS P5Q Pro
Memory
8GB Dominator 8500C5D
Graphics Card(s)
ATI : XFX 5870
Sound Card
Realtek HD Audio 7-1
Monitor(s) Displays
1x 47" LCD HDMI & 3x 26" LCD HDMI
Screen Resolution
1920x1080P & 1920x1200
Hard Drives
1x 80GB Intel X25-M G2 SSD : 1x 500GB & 1x 640GB WD Caviar Black(s)
PSU
Corsair 620HX
Case
Cooler Master RC-690
Cooling
Tuniq Tower 120, 2x 140mm and 3x 120mm case fans
Keyboard
Microsoft 500
Mouse
Razer Diamondback 3G
Internet Speed
14 Mb/s
Other Info
1x Koutech 3Gb/s SATA HDD Hot Swap Rack
Three guys died when they got to the pearly gates St Peter met them and said " I know you guys are forgiven because your here but before you get into heaven I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven as it is soo big". St Peter asks the first guy : How long were you married ? he replies 24 years.
Did u ever cheat on your wife ? asks St Peter
The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times, but you said I was forgiven."
Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Skoda to drive.
The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter and says, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year, so we really worked it out."
Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that; here's your Mondeo."
The third guy walked up and said, " Peter , I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"
Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"
A little while later, the two guys with the Mondeo and the Skoda saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden pavement, so they went to see what was the matter.
When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said,
"I just saw my wife; she was on a skateboard!"
Not long after this, a fourth guy died and when he arrived at the pearly gates St. Peter met him and asked the same questions that he asked the other guys. The fourth guy replied "75 years" and again, like the third guy, said that he'd not even looked at another woman, treated her like royalty and whatever she wanted to do, he was more than happy to support her.
St. Peter was more than impressed, and he gave the man a top of the range Bentley convertible.
For a while, the man was very happy driving around in his luxury car. Then he came across the other guys. The third guy had, by this time, recovered and was looking forward to a game of golf with his two buddies, but unfortunately their cars had broken down. Being the nice man that he is, he immediately offered the others a ride in his Bentley, in return for which the others invited him to play golf with them.
On the way to the golf club, the third man once again saw his wife on the skateboard, this time coming towards them. They soon passed each other, and not a word was said.
Not long after, they saw someone in the distance. She was wearing roller skates, and as they got nearer to each other the fourth man suddenly exclaimed "Bloody 'ell, that's my wife!" The others said to him "You told us that you treated her like royalty, and that you did everything that she wanted." The man replied "Yes, I did. She told me to always wear a blindfold and earmuffs in her presence because she didn't like me to see or hear what she was doing. I guess that I was a bit naive, but now I understand." He began to sob uncontrollably. The others did their best to console him, and even his wife stopped and tried to comfort him.
All of a sudden, St. Peter arrived and, in a booming voice, said "Come home to bed, Mavis. It's well past your bed time, and the bed is awfully cold without you."
 

My Computer

Computer type
PC/Desktop
Computer Manufacturer/Model Number
Dwarf Dwf/11/2012 r09/2013
OS
Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
CPU
Intel Core-i5-3570K 4-core @ 3.4GHz (Ivy Bridge) (OC 4.4GHz)
Motherboard
ASRock Z77 Extreme4-M
Memory
4 x 4GB DDR3-1600 Corsair Vengeance CMZ8GX3M2A1600C9B (16GB)
Graphics Card(s)
MSI GeForce GTX770 Gaming OC 2GB
Sound Card
Realtek High Definition on board solution (ALC 898)
Monitor(s) Displays
ViewSonic VA1912w Widescreen (VGA)
Screen Resolution
1440x900
Hard Drives
OCZ Agility 3 SSD 120GB SATA III x2 (RAID 0)
Samsung HD501LJ 500GB SATA II x2
Hitachi HDS721010CLA332 1TB SATA II
Iomega 1.5TB Ext USB 2.0
WD 2.0TB Ext USB 3.0
PSU
XFX Pro Series 850W Semi-Modular
Case
Gigabyte IF233
Cooling
1 x 120mm Front Inlet 1 x 120mm Rear Exhaust
Keyboard
Microsoft Comfort Curve Keyboard 3000 (USB)
Mouse
Microsoft Comfort Mouse 3000 for Business (USB)
Internet Speed
NetGear DG834Gv3 ADSL Modem/Router (Ethernet) ~4.0 Mb/s (O2)
Antivirus
Avast! 8.0.1497
Browser
IE 11
Other Info
Optical Drive: HL-DT-ST BD-RE BH10LS30 SATA Bluray
Lexmark S305 Printer/Scanner/Copier (USB)
WEI Score: 8.1/8.1/8.5/8.5/8.25
Asus Eee PC 1011PX Netbook (Windows 7 x86 Starter)
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