Jokes Thread

[kucing13]

I actually have a Christian computer joke......

Jesus and Satan were sitting around arguing about who was the best coder.

God appeared before them and said "I guess we'll have to decide this with a contest."

Two computers appeared before Jesus and Satan. God told them "You have 4 hours to write your code."

So Jesus and Satan began furiously coding. As the time went by, they both wrote lines and lines of code.

Suddenly, there was a flash in the sky and both computers went dead, then they rebooted. Several minutes later God yelled "STOP! Times up, lets see what you both have!"

Satan looked up and said "God, I have nothing...both our computers went dead and my code is gone."

God looked over at Jesus and said "And what do you have my son?"

Jesus hit the enter button and a beautiful screen saver came to life, filled with music and angels.

Satan's jaw dropped and he looked at the screen unbelieving. "HOW is this possible? We both lost power to our PC's"

God looked at Satan and chuckled as he said "Well, everyone knows...Jesus saves."

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"

:roflmao: they both using Linux I assume

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Here's a few laws of computing by a guy named Murphy.

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

Here's a few laws of computing by a guy named Murphy.

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

That's good!

 

[Kari]

That's good!

Especially this:

...
When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
...

How true...

 

[CarlTR6]

I love these two especially.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

 

[makhan10]

sikh, ghandi, hilter n stalin in a plane

Once a brand new 4 seater plane has Hitler, Stalin, Ghandi and Changhis khan in it, with Ghandi as the pilot.

Few minutes after take off, Ghandi announced that engine has developed a fatal flaw and radio is not working, so he can not inform the ground crew of the situation. He also informed his colleagues there are only 3 parachutes available and requested that he be allowed to use one of the parachute, since all the future models of the plane will have the same flaw, which can result in many tragic deaths. His comrades consulted among themselves and after a short discussion allowed Ghandi to use one parachute, for which Ghandi thanked them in hindi and jumped from the plane.

Then Changhais Khan got up and said I am the first Great Emperor of the world and the whole world needs me to save them from bloody superpowers such as America and British and i will help both of you in your fight against USA and Britian, once i get to the ground. Changhais then took one parachute hastily without permission and jumed from the plane............

Hitler then got up and then took the last parachute and gave it to Stalin. Here you go my friend, take this parachute and enjoy your life......... Stalin thanked Hitler with tears in his eyes and said i dont want to see you dead, you are a great men and world need to see you alive for history to be rewritten in your own way.

I am grateful for your sincere words, but the dumb changhais khan took my nephew school bag, instead of the parachute, so both me and you live for now, replied Hitler.

 

[WindowsStar]

I heard this on the other day (It is a bit long but here it goes):

0101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001010100100101001011010101000101011101101010101011010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101101010001011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010101010010100101010100101010101010101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101000110001001000100101000001010000000011101000111011001010110101000010101010111011010101000101010101111010101010100101101110110101000101101111010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100001010100101010100011000100100010010100000101000000001110100011111110101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010100000000111010001110000010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101101010001011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010101010010100101010100101010101010101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101000110001001000100101000001010000000011101000111111101010110101000010101010111011010101000101010101111010101010100101101110110101000101101111010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100001010100101010100011000100100010010100000101000000001110100011101010101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010100000000111010001111011010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101101010001011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010101010010100101010100101010101010101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101000110001001000100101000001011110000011101000111111101010110101000010101010111011010101000101010101111010101010100101101110110101000101101111010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100001010100101010100011000100100010010100000101000000001110100011111110101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010101110000111010001111101010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101001010001011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010101010010100101010100101010101010101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101000110001001000100101000001010000000011101000111111101010110101000010101010111011010101000101010101111010101010100101101110010101000101101111010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100001010100101010100011000100100010010100000101000110001110100011111110101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010101110000111010001111100


Hahahaha!!! What a punch line!

 

[kronckew]

windowstar, i've heard that one before, it does need a better punch line

...

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"

that of course should be

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"


- 01110111 01100001 01111001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101011 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100011 01101011 01100101

 

[kucing13]

Here's a few laws of computing by a guy named Murphy.

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

I'll go with bold one. It's true :roflmao:

 

[Thorsen]

I heard this on the other day (It is a bit long but here it goes):

01010110101000010101010111011010101


Hahahaha!!! What a punch line!

This is what he said:

V¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U%-Q]ªµj]ª*½U-Ú‹zUBꫪ©J¥UT*ª«êªUB¥Q‰‚€tvV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘((Gõj]ª*½U-Ú‹zUBꫪ©J¥UT*ª«êªUB¥Q‰‚€tpV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘((Gõj]ª*½U-Ú‹zUBꫪ©J¥UT*ª«êªUB¥Q‰‚€tuV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘((Gµj]ª*½U-Ú‹zUBꫪ©J¥UT*ª«êªUB¥Q‰‚ðtV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘((Gõj]ª*½U-Ú‹zUBꫪ©J¥UT*ª«êªUB¥Q‰‚¸t}V¡UÚ¢«ÕRÝ(·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘((Gõj]ª*½U-Ê‹zUBꫪ©J¥UT*ª«êªUB¥Q‰‚ŒtV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘(+‡GÏ



Get it!
;‚ŒtV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBªª¾ª¥T*U‘(+‡GÏ

lol you crack me up

 

[Thorsen]

This ones funnier:

010101000111011101101111001000000110110101100101011011100010000001110111011000010110110001101011011001010110010000100000011010010110111001110100011011110010000001100001001000000110001001100001011100100010111000100000011101000110100001100101001000000101010001101000011010010111001001100100001000000100110101100001011011100010000001100100011101010110001101101011011001010110010000101110

For conversion go here: Binary to Text (ASCII) Conversion

 

[WindowsStar]

windowstar, i've heard that one before, it does need a better punch line

...

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"

that of course should be

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"


- 01110111 01100001 01111001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101011 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100011 01101011 01100101

Yep some find it funny and others don't .. Love the 10 kinds....adding it to my sig now...Thanks!

 

[kucing13]

This ones funnier:

010101000111011101101111001000000110110101100101011011100010000001110111011000010110110001101011011001010110010000100000011010010110111001110100011011110010000001100001001000000110001001100001011100100010111000100000011101000110100001100101001000000101010001101000011010010111001001100100001000000100110101100001011011100010000001100100011101010110001101101011011001010110010000101110

For conversion go here: Binary to Text (ASCII) Conversion

wow,i never knew about this binary code. I feel like in "Prison Break" already

 

[kronckew]

SECONDS before Death (CHILLING).

WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.

THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE (CHILLING!)

do not click this link if you are under 18 or overly squeemish!

Horrible photo<-Linky

 

[kucing13]

WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.

THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE (CHILLING!)

do not click this link if you are under 18 or overly squeemish!

Horrible photo<-Linky

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

WARNING! GRAPHIC BOATING PHOTO.

THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT TO LIVE (CHILLING!)

do not click this link if you are under 18 or overly squeemish!

Horrible photo<-Linky

:roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

I would like to point you here to peruse some of the pictures if you want a good laugh...enjoy

Computer bloopers and blunders from the technically clueless

Computer bloopers and blunders from the technically clueless | TechRepublic Photo Gallery

Happy Holiday...Go your way in safety

 

[Kari]

Thanks for sharing, Borg. Some nostalgic moments, seeing those pics!

 

[CarlTR6]

I would like to point you here to peruse some of the pictures if you want a good laugh...enjoy

Computer bloopers and blunders from the technically clueless

Computer bloopers and blunders from the technically clueless | TechRepublic Photo Gallery

Happy Holiday...Go your way in safety

Those are hilarious! Great post.

 

[Jonathan_King]

65 Poorly Designed and Totally Impractical Gadgets