Jokes Thread

[Tews]

Jesus is watching you!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."

 

[WindowsStar]

This was not actually intended as a joke, but it certainly is as funny as many jokes......an actual post in another forum today, by someone truly clueless!

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[CarlTR6]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Jonathan_King]

That's a joke in and of itself.

 

[CarlTR6]

That's a joke in and of itself.

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[kucing13]

That's a joke in and of itself.

:roflmao::roflmao: this is what we called EPIC FAIL

 

[kucing13]

Things To Do When Your ISP Is Down

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past two years.

3. Shower.

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.


6. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

7. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

8. You mean there's something else to do?

 

[kronckew]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Couple of minutes ago.'

 

[derekimo]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Couple of minutes ago.'

:roflmao:

 

[kucing13]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Couple of minutes ago.'

:roflmao:

 

[CarlTR6]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates... ''

Hilarious!!

Though I am an avid and long time rider, I am not a patch holder nor a 1%er.

 

[derekimo]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates... ''

Hilarious!!

Though I am an avid and long time rider, I am not a patch holder nor a 1%er.

I'm guessing you don't have a nose ring either.

 

[CarlTR6]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates... ''

Hilarious!!

Though I am an avid and long time rider, I am not a patch holder nor a 1%er.

I'm guessing you don't have a nose ring either.

:roflmao::roflmao: Not on my worst day!!!

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Hilarious!!

Though I am an avid and long time rider, I am not a patch holder nor a 1%er.

I'm guessing you don't have a nose ring either.

:roflmao::roflmao: Not on my worst day!!!

Here's Carl on his worst day!


Looks very becoming!
:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[kucing13]

Here's Carl on his worst day!
View attachment 76875

Looks very becoming!
:roflmao::roflmao:

add some horn and I can be the Matador.

 

[CarlTR6]

I'm guessing you don't have a nose ring either.

:roflmao::roflmao: Not on my worst day!!!

Here's Carl on his worst day!
View attachment 76875

Looks very becoming!
:roflmao::roflmao:

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
If I looked like that, I would disown me!

 

[whs]

Cultural differences

 

[Kari]

Two guys on a bike, with girlfriend.

 

[kucing13]

LMAO at the goat :roflmao:

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

Two guys on a bike, with girlfriend.

Zimbabwe, where men are men and goats are nervous!