Jokes Thread

[DocBrown]

Cow, an Ant and a Computer Geek


A Cow, an Ant and a Computer Geek are debating on who
is the greatest of the three of them.

:ar:

The Cow: "I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!"

:ar:

The Ant: "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!"







:ar:





:ar:















Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...



:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Cow, an Ant and a Computer Geek


A Cow, an Ant and a Computer Geek are debating on who
is the greatest of the three of them.

:ar:

The Cow: "I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!"

:ar:

The Ant: "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!"







:ar:





:ar:















Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...



:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Oh crap!
I scrolled down.

 

[CarlTR6]

Sucked me in! :roflmao::roflmao:

 

[noobvious]

Sucked me in! :roflmao::roflmao:

Me too!:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol Anne. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol Anne. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.


EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

 

[noobvious]

*snipped for space, in order to not be one of these people*

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

lol noob.. you would have to see it first.. I thought it was too funny to not share.

 

[noobvious]

lol noob.. you would have to see it first.. I thought it was too funny to not share.

It is very funny!

 

[CarlTR6]

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND


EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

Groaner

Did you hear about the flasher who thought about retiring?

He decided to stick it out for another year.....

 

[Arc]

Sucked me in! :roflmao::roflmao:

Me too!:roflmao:

Me too :devil: But know, Who is the first man scrolled down ?

It is DocBrown , who posted it. :devil2:

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

Related:


God created man and named him Adam. Adam lived in the Garden of Eden for quite some time and then one day God came to him.

God said "Adam, I see you here everyday walking around in the garden, but I have come to think that you might be lonely. So I am going to create another creature with which you can interact with. She will be called Eve. She will be everything you hope for and the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. More wonderful than any of my creations. She will tend to your every need, care for you, feed you, comfort you. She will do your bidding as you ask and respect your wishes through and through. She will do all this and ask of nothing in return. But as I see fit, I will require something from you in return."

Adam after hearing all this was delighted and said "What do you ask of me Lord?"

"It will cost you an arm, your left foot, a rib, your right collar-bone and your left testicle"




After a long pause contemplating this arrangement, Adam replied "What can I get for a rib?"

Sounds about right! :huh:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Related:


God created man and named him Adam. Adam lived in the Garden of Eden for quite some time and then one day God came to him.

God said "Adam, I see you here everyday walking around in the garden, but I have come to think that you might be lonely. So I am going to create another creature with which you can interact with. She will be called Eve. She will be everything you hope for and the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. More wonderful than any of my creations. She will tend to your every need, care for you, feed you, comfort you. She will do your bidding as you ask and respect your wishes through and through. She will do all this and ask of nothing in return. But as I see fit, I will require something from you in return."

Adam after hearing all this was delighted and said "What do you ask of me Lord?"

"It will cost you an arm, your left foot, a rib, your right collar-bone and your left testicle"




After a long pause contemplating this arrangement, Adam replied "What can I get for a rib?"

Sounds about right! :huh:

I wonder what we would've gotten if we offered an arm, left foot or right collar bone?
Probably something like this................
View attachment 82372

Be careful what you ask for! You may get somebody that looks and acts like we do!:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Right..... THWolves.. .. sometimes it's best for us to leave a few things alone.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

THWolves .. when I see my Sig.. you made me above... it appears to overflow the page.. do I need to shrink it a bit or can you downsize it a bit for me plz ?

 

[The Howling Wolves]

THWolves .. when I see my Sig.. you made me above... it appears to overflow the page.. do I need to shrink it a bit or can you downsize it a bit for me plz ?

Here it is LPT


I am going to work on your sig some more if you don't mind.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

THWolves .. when I see my Sig.. you made me above... it appears to overflow the page.. do I need to shrink it a bit or can you downsize it a bit for me plz ?

Here it is LPT
View attachment 82414

I am going to work on your sig some more if you don't mind.

Hi that's fine.. just take your time.. there's no rush you may want
to do it after you recoup from today.. which will be great.
Thank you.

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

THWolves thank you for this newer version..
Let's see how it looks on the page now.
I'm sure it's going to look really good.
I just peeked after posting this .. looks Great!!!!

 

[BrightBlessings]

A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.

The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."
The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??"
Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" Feathers come flying out of the cage.
The vet says, "Holy gee," and runs across the room and opens the curtain. The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage, pulling out all her feathers. He's saying, "For fifteen bucks, I want you naked. Naked!"

 

[Borg 386]

pay attention!