Jokes Thread

[The Howling Wolves]

THWolves thank you for this newer version..
Let's see how it looks on the page now.
I'm sure it's going to look really good.
I just peeked after posting this .. looks Great!!!!

Here's another one for you.


So where's my e-mail?:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get
off work and go hunting, so he
approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns
the following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of
three patients. 'The first one had a
headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about
the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and
a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself,

taking off everything including her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't
seen a man in over two years!!'

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
J
'I put drops in her eyes!!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

THWolves thank you for this newer version..
Let's see how it looks on the page now.
I'm sure it's going to look really good.
I just peeked after posting this .. looks Great!!!!

Here's another one for you.
View attachment 82511

So where's my e-mail?:roflmao::roflmao:

THWolves hi.. some friend you are leaving me alone and deserted..lol.
I did save the pic... thanks I think..lol

 

[elsuirad]

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get
off work and go hunting, so he
approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns
the following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of
three patients. 'The first one had a
headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about
the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and
a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself,

taking off everything including her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't
seen a man in over two years!!'

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
J
'I put drops in her eyes!!

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

A Guy Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said “NO!”

And the Prince rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, and lived happily ever after.

The End

 

[The Howling Wolves]

This is the first warning I have seen for men.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's or Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 7th, 9th, 10th, 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also June 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, twice already today and very likely again this upcoming 4th of July weekend.

 

[derekimo]

This is the first warning I have seen for men.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's or Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 7th, 9th, 10th, 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also June 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, twice already today and very likely again this upcoming 4th of July weekend.

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Thorsen]

:roflmao:awesome THW!

 

[Thorsen]

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said “NO!”

And the Prince rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, and lived happily ever after.

The End

lived happily ever after Alone. which is great if you can do that.

 

[noobvious]

This is the first warning I have seen for men.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's or Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 7th, 9th, 10th, 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also June 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, twice already today and very likely again this upcoming 4th of July weekend.

Sounds like a reason to pick up a couple spare wallets!:roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

This is the first warning I have seen for men.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's or Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 7th, 9th, 10th, 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also June 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, twice already today and very likely again this upcoming 4th of July weekend.

Sounds like a reason to pick up a couple spare wallets!:roflmao:

Wal Mart has a sale on them......
I bought 15 more!:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Thorsen]

Boy some of the stuff you can buy on Amazon these days!

For all you audiophiles: Amazon.com: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable: Electronics

Read the Review comments for it!!!

 

[noobvious]

Boy some of the stuff you can buy on Amazon these days!

For all you audiophiles: Amazon.com: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable: Electronics

Read the Review comments for it!!!

Priceless!:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
I have no idea and I'm hoping you'll give me a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

 

[CarlTR6]

Boy some of the stuff you can buy on Amazon these days!

For all you audiophiles: Amazon.com: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable: Electronics

Read the Review comments for it!!!

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[mickey megabyte]

yep, excellent amazon page!

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

I thought it was A BIT PRICEY.....lol:shock:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said “NO!”

And the Prince rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, and lived happily ever after.

The End

lived happily ever after Alone. which is great if you can do that.

I find no fun in living alone.. it's not for me.. yet that's what I'm doing.

 

[The Howling Wolves]

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said “NO!”

And the Prince rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, and lived happily ever after.

The End

lived happily ever after Alone. which is great if you can do that.

I find no fun in living alone.. it's not for me.. yet that's what I'm doing.

LPt!
You are not alone.
We all are here with you, for you, and will help you.
Yes, you may live by yourself, but we are just a click away from you.

ps. I love you Patriotic Sig.

 

[CarlTR6]

I find no fun in living alone.. it's not for me.. yet that's what I'm doing.

I agree, LPT; I did not like living alone.