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there are some crackers in there, tom!:D
 

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:roflmao: I especially like these ones

If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.

Here are some funny UK GCSE exam answers from last year, Please Remember, these are all True!

. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

This last one is my absolute favourite,
Q:Name 6 Animals that live in the Arctic.
A: 4 Polar bears and (3 was originally written and then crossed out to make) 2 Seals.
 

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A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb,
and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with: ...

Kids say the darndest things. :D
 

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:roflmao:
Here are some funny UK GCSE exam answers from last year, Please Remember, these are all True!

. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

This last one is my absolute favourite,
Q:Name 6 Animals that live in the Arctic.
A: 4 Polar bears and (3 was originally written and then crossed out to make) 2 Seals.[/QUOTE]

:D :D These are great.
 

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Old Age Golf

Old Age Golf



Arthur is 90 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.


"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball,I can't see where it went."


His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."


"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help."


"He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."


So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.


He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"


"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."


"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.


:ar:

:ar:

:ar:



"Can't remember."
 

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A few more:

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. (See below for video explanation.)
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

 
Last edited:

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One of my favorites
 

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Another good one :)
 

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Classic detention slip!
 

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JOAN those are very good !!!.. thanks for sharing today.
 

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I have no idea what all this actually means
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb,
and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with:

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.

Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the . . . bug is close.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?

Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

No news is . . . impossible.

A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

You can't teach an old dog . . . math.

If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust . . . me.

The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.

An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.

Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

A penny saved is . . . not much.

Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers.

None are so blind as . . . Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

There is no fool like . . . Aunt Edie.

Tews hi.. Children just speak as they think.. this is so precious !!!
 

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I have no idea what all this actually means
30 harsh things a woman can say to a naked man

30 HARSH THINGS A WOMAN CAN SAY TO A NAKED MAN

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ohhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the "early bird."
 

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you forgot one:

"So THATS why your supposed to go for personality"
 

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speaking from experience, martin? ;)
 

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i love win7
You forgot another one: Is it in??
 

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speaking from experience, martin? ;)

:roflmao: A female friend of mine sent me a whole list of them years ago, thats the only one that sticks in my memory though
 

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