Jokes Thread

[Qdos]

Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death!

The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New York in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea responds saying, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle into her fuzz where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.

A year goes by...when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near froze to death.

The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"

"Yes" says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said...I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up her thigh to her warm cosy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep..."

"But when I woke up, I was back in the moustache of the guy on the Harley."

 

[Zidane24]

Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death!

The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New York in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea responds saying, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle into her fuzz where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.

A year goes by...when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near froze to death.

The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"

"Yes" says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said...I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up her thigh to her warm cosy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep..."

"But when I woke up, I was back in the moustache of the guy on the Harley."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make sure to post a Reader Discretion message next time

 

[Dunsailing]

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

Jack and Jill were twins who couldn't find dates to the prom. So Jill asked Jack to go with her. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. Promise me if you can't find another date, you'll take me." So Jack said okay. Well, Jack couldn't find a date so he went with Jill. They were just standing by the punch bowl, and Jill asked Jack to dance. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. It'll be fun." So Jack said okay, and they had a great time. After the dance, Jill asked Jack to take her to Makeout Hill. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, It would be gross." Jill said, "We'll just talk, we don't talk anymore." So Jack said okay. They were at Makeout Hill talking, when Jill moved to the backseat. Jill said, "Come on, Jack, take me." Jack didn't argue. When Jack moved on top of Jill, Jill murmured, "You're a lot lighter than dad."
Jack said back, "I know. Mom told me last night."
​

 

[Zidane24]

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

Jack and Jill were twins who couldn't find dates to the prom. So Jill asked Jack to go with her. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. Promise me if you can't find another date, you'll take me." So Jack said okay. Well, Jack couldn't find a date so he went with Jill. They were just standing by the punch bowl, and Jill asked Jack to dance. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, that's gross." Jill said, "Come on. It'll be fun." So Jack said okay, and they had a great time. After the dance, Jill asked Jack to take her to Makeout Hill. Jack said, "No, you're my sister, It would be gross." Jill said, "We'll just talk, we don't talk anymore." So Jack said okay. They were at Makeout Hill talking, when Jill moved to the backseat. Jill said, "Come on, Jack, take me." Jack didn't argue. When Jack moved on top of Jill, Jill murmured, "You're a lot lighter than dad."
Jack said back, "I know. Mom told me last night."
​

That first joke was funny...that second joke was disturbing as hell

 

[Joan Archer]

That first joke was funny...that second joke was disturbing as hell

I agree especially in a forum where younger members are around this is not an adult only forum.

 

[Qdos]

That first joke was funny...that second joke was disturbing as hell

I agree, it's wholly inappropriate and clearly incestuous.

Interesting to note is that the guy who posted it is a dab hand at telling others to tone down their innocent contributions to this thread...

Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death!

The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New York in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea responds saying, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle into her fuzz where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.

A year goes by...when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near froze to death.

The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"

"Yes" says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said...I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up her thigh to her warm cosy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep..."

"But when I woke up, I was back in the moustache of the guy on the Harley."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make sure to post a Reader Discretion message next time

 

[Joan Archer]

Qdos perhaps you should check and make sure you quote correctly, it was not Dunsailing who made that first quote but Zidane24.

 

[Zidane24]

Qdos perhaps you should check and make sure you quote correctly, it was not Dunsailing who made that first quote but Zidane24.

I thought at first that he meant me...

Then I realize that he must have made a mistake

 

[Dunsailing]

I appologise if I upset you people it was not intended and unwanted jokes of that ilk will not be posted again.

What confuses me is this (I might be wrong but)

Qdos, you posted......
Quote: Originally Posted by Dunsailing
That first joke was funny...that second joke was disturbing as hell: Unquote

That was NOT me.

And I have Never asked anyone to do or not do anything on this site - I`ve not been here long enough.

 

[BSkiLLs]

An old Iowa farmer went to town to see a movie.
The ticket agent asked, 'Sir, what's that on your shoulder?'
The old farmer said, 'That's my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I
go, Chuck goes.

'I'm sorry sir,' said the ticket agent. 'We can't allow animals in the theater.'

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overall.
Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie
started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned
his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

'Marge,' whispered Mildred.

'What?' said Marge.

'I think the guy next to me is a pervert.'

'What makes you think so?' asked Marge,

'He undid his pants and he has his thing out,' whispered Mildred.

'Well, don't worry about it,' said Marge. 'At our age we've seen 'em all"

'I thought so too,' said Mildred, 'but this one's eatin' my popcorn!'






:roflmao:

 

[patio]

And they just keep getting worse....

 

[BSkiLLs]

wow.. wth? why did my last joke get deleted ??

It wasn't that wrong or bad.

 

[Zidane24]

wow.. wth? why did my last joke get deleted ??

It wasn't that wrong or bad.

This forum has no age requirement...

Keep that in mind

 

[BSkiLLs]

wow.. wth? why did my last joke get deleted ??

It wasn't that wrong or bad.

This forum has no age requirement...

Keep that in mind

oohh true.. I know but.. wasn't that bad at all. At least i didnt think so. all tho it did have a feminist product mentioned in it. That was it tho.

oohh well i guess...

 

[Kipper]

My neighbors ... the hot young lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,

"I wanna watch".

 

[Nburnes]

Uh isn't that a little mature for some users on this forum?

 

[Orpheous]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?




......... He sold his soul to Santa

 

[Kari]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?




......... He sold his soul to Santa

:roflmao:

 

[jfar]

Uh isn't that a little mature for some users on this forum?

I like it, Witty.

 

[bigseb]

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients

and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much

he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt

and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.


But every now and then he'd hear an internal

reassuring voice in his head that said:


"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first

medical practitioner to sleep with one of their
patients and you won't be the last.

And you're single. Just let it go."


But invariably another voice in his head

would bring him back to reality.

Whispering......​

Dave.......... ​

Dave ............. ​

Dave........Dave..................you're a vet.