Jokes Thread

[arkhi]

 

[Arc]

The microsoft word thing ... I thank it's a reality.

 

[thefabe]

A blond woman goes to her doctor to find out if she's pregnant. the doctor runs the test and comes back in and says, congratulations your pregnant. She was so excited she then asked the doctor, Are you sure it's mine?

 

[johnwillyums]

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?


One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

 

[Kari]

Question:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

 

[Jonathan_King]

Nice one Kari.

 

[Arc]

Brilliant joke, Kari !

 

[CarlTR6]

A very good one, Kari; and, John, I like the psychotherapist one.

 

[acurasd]

How do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his sister in the Jaw

How do you seperate the greek men from the greek boys?

with a crow bar

 

[Arc]

How do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his sister in the Jaw

How do you seperate the greek men from the greek boys?

with a crow bar

It seems than I can't get that joke

 

[arkhi]

How do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his sister in the Jaw

How do you seperate the greek men from the greek boys?

with a crow bar

It seems than I can't get that joke

For the redneck one, think oral incest. For the greek one, think super-glued pedophiles.

 

[thefabe]

This no joke but you have to admit it's kinda funny. In a sick kind of way. We have met the enemy and He is PowerPoint. The article begins.http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/27/world/27powerpoint.html?no_interstitial Fabe

 

[Arc]

For the redneck one, think oral incest. For the greek one, think super-glued pedophiles.

Thanks for making it easier

 

[noobvious]

For the redneck one, think oral incest. For the greek one, think super-glued pedophiles.

Thanks for making it easier

I saw that and I wasn't sure how to explain it to you without being too disgusting for the forum.....glad somebody else helped you out!

 

[Arc]

I saw that and I wasn't sure how to explain it to you without being too disgusting for the forum.....glad somebody else helped you out!

John (johnwillyms) made it ! He sent me a pm making it clear
So nothing was disgusting in the forum

 

[johnwillyums]

I didn't much like either joke actually. Stereotypes are hard to avoid in jokes I know but the alleged closeness of "redneck" families and the rabid pederasty of Greeks are just ways of avoiding the fact that it happens in all communities everywhere. Why, sometimes even men of the cloth are involved

Just my thoughts

 

[steve-pressman]

Social Security

A young South-East London girl went down to the Social Security office to get her family allowance.

The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten." she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne," she answered.

"They're all named Wayne?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call "Wayne" and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'Wayne, come and eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their surname."

 

[CarlTR6]

Social Security

A young South-East London girl went down to the Social Security office to get her family allowance.

The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten." she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne," she answered.

"They're all named Wayne?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call "Wayne" and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'Wayne, come and eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their surname."

 

[Arc]

from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their surname."

That's terrific , Steve
Carry on, pal

 

[whs]

Nice collection of office pranks

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