Jokes Thread

[Arc]

What's brown or white, wrapped in clingfilm, and swings around on bell ropes?

The Lunchpack of Note Dame

No . No at all. It's a tomato ( just to confuse you pal !)
Can you say what is red, and sounds trin trin ?
It's a tomato . the trin trin thing is just to confuse you

 

[thefabe]

I stumbled across this random funny review of Windows 7 on google.
A Review of the Pirated Copy of Windows 7 I Bought On eBay | Cracked.com

It's certianly funny but has been posted before a while ago, "No JoKe" OOPS thought this was the no joke thread. Fabe

 

[spinifex]

Quasimodo???

Hmmm.......that name rings a bell!!

 

[Arc]

Quasimodo???

Hmmm.......that name rings a bell!!

Great lover ! I SALUTE HIM

 

[steve-pressman]

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds"?

"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home".

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case"?

It's made of concrete

"I don't think you understand.

Does either of you have a real grudge"?

"No, we have carport, and not need one".

I mean, what are your relations like?

"All my relations still in Poland".

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?

"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player".

"Does your wife beat you up"?

"No, I always up before her".

"Is your wife a nagger"?

"No, she white".

"Why do you want this divorce"?

"She going to kill me".

"What makes you think that"?

"I got proof".

"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.


I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

 

[Arc]

Steve is a nice joke supplier ! Give more, Steve

 

[edrik]

LOL hahaha.. nice one steve

 

[steve-pressman]

Thx Guys

 

[steve-pressman]

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of automatically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your
breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
''How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again.

Stupid, old man.

 

[severedsolo]

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of automatically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your
breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
''How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again.

Stupid, old man.

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

 

[Arc]

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of automatically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion:
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your
breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
''How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again.

Stupid, old man.

Another nice joke, Steve ! Carry on

 

[steve-pressman]

A pregnant woman from Oklahoma gets in a car accident and falls into a coma. When she wakes up, she sees she's no longer pregnant and she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you've had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Arkansas came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks him, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew. "

 

[CarlTR6]

A pregnant woman from Oklahoma gets in a car accident and falls into a coma. When she wakes up, she sees she's no longer pregnant and she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you've had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Arkansas came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks him, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew. "

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Arc]

BGrilliant Jokes, Steve :roflmao: Carry on

 

[whs]

 

[CarlTR6]

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[arkhi]

 

[starwolf1336]

LMAO, nice one arkhi

 

[arkhi]

Thanks,

Here's a few more I got from my local MMORPG forum

 

[Arc]

That's codec problem