Jokes Thread

[noobvious]

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.


She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest wang."

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[fishnbanjo]

What's the difference between a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a professional Accordion Musician? A bucket of KFC can feed a family of 4.

 

[CarlTR6]

What's the difference between a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a professional Accordion Musician? A bucket of KFC can feed a family of 4.

:roflmao:

 

[The Howling Wolves]

The testicular guard, the "Cup", was first used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet used in hockey was in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

 

[noobvious]

The testicular guard, the "Cup", was first used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet used in hockey was in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

I think it is fair to say that many men still haven't realized that!:roflmao:

 

[MattRainier]

I think it is fair to say that many men still haven't realized that!:roflmao:

Hey, watch it - I resemble that remark! :roflmao:

 

[WindowsStar]

A chicken and an egg were in bed. After they finished making love the egg rolled over and said, "Well now we know the answer to that question!"

 

[WindowsStar]

A man and a woman were in bed making love for the first time. After they are done the man says, “I am really the first man you have made love to?” The woman says, “Why yes of course you are……you men all ask the same questions.”

 

[Arc]

The testicular guard, the "Cup", was first used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet used in hockey was in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

I think it is fair to say that many men still haven't realized that!:roflmao:

Do you know some of them (d):roflmao:

 

[xarden]

A chicken and an egg were in bed. After they finished making love the egg rolled over and said, "Well now we know the answer to that question!"

Theres a cartoon of this one somewhere! I cant find it anywhere anymore
Its the chicken and egg in bed, and the chicken is smoking a cigarette.
The caption of the pic is 'Mystery Solved'

If you can find it, please post it.

 

[Bare Foot Kid]

A chicken and an egg were in bed. After they finished making love the egg rolled over and said, "Well now we know the answer to that question!"

Theres a cartoon of this one somewhere! I cant find it anywhere anymore
Its the chicken and egg in bed, and the chicken is smoking a cigarette.
The caption of the pic is 'Mystery Solved'

If you can find it, please post it.

​

 

[sergiogarcia9]

:roflmao:

 

[LADYPINKtomato1]

HUMOR :These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper - a smile for your day....


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER:
8-years old. Hateful little b******. Bites!


FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.


FREE PUPPIES:
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog - able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG:
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.Better be a big reward.


COWS... NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK:
$300. Hardly used. Call Chubby.


GEORGIA PEACHES:
California grown - 89 cents/lb.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer. $300.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE...
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.


And the best one?


FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything

 

[xarden]

Minus the caption, but thats the one! Cheers bud.

 

[Arc]

RUMOR : John Milton wrote Paradise Lost after he got married , and he wrote Paradise Regined after his wife died .

 

[elsuirad]

Which one of these?

 

[Kirsch]

Which one of these?

:roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Borg 386]

The explanation Men have been waiting for...

While creating Wives, God promised Men that good and ideal Wives would be abundantly found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round.....

 

[noobvious]

The explanation Men have been waiting for...

While creating Wives, God promised Men that good and ideal Wives would be abundantly found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round.....

No wonder I haven't found one yet!
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Thorsen]

Related:


God created man and named him Adam. Adam lived in the Garden of Eden for quite some time and then one day God came to him.

God said "Adam, I see you here everyday walking around in the garden, but I have come to think that you might be lonely. So I am going to create another creature with which you can interact with. She will be called Eve. She will be everything you hope for and the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. More wonderful than any of my creations. She will tend to your every need, care for you, feed you, comfort you. She will do your bidding as you ask and respect your wishes through and through. She will do all this and ask of nothing in return. But as I see fit, I will require something from you in return."

Adam after hearing all this was delighted and said "What do you ask of me Lord?"

"It will cost you an arm, your left foot, a rib, your right collar-bone and your left testicle"




After a long pause contemplating this arrangement, Adam replied "What can I get for a rib?"