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Experts Exchange – a site where programmers can trade advice – is found at expertsexchange.com

La Drape – a British company selling high-end quilted bedspreads – is listed at ladrape.co.uk

American Scrap Metal – a scrap metal recycling firm – americanscrapmetal

Speed of Art – a collective or art designers – are online at speedofart.com

Therapist Finder – a directory for therapy services – can be located at therapistfinder.com

Pen Island's home page, penisland.net

Les Bocages, a British firm of tree surgeons working in France who are named after the French word for "groves" but also have the unfortunate web moniker lesbocages.com.

Big Al's bowling alley in Vancouver ended up with Ilovebigals.com
:roflmao::roflmao:
 

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That's a good one Tews!
 

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Borg, that is a great one, I think I had seen it before but I still cried from laughing

Tews, great one
 

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An Air Conditioner joke.........

THE GOLDBERG BROTHERS: The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little history for automotive buffs -- or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first
automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.



The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.



Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show:

Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.

(I can hear your groans from here. Control yourself !!!)
 

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Shush the mods are coming.
 

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LMAO. :roflmao:

The Mods are here (well, this one is, anyway). ;)
 

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Spamtinx.gif
 

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couple of things that made me smile:)
 

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Shush the mods are coming.


jump-sheep.gif
smiley10.gif
holysheep.gif


p.s. - love baked spam with cloves and the brown sugar & mustard sauce (recipe that came on the tins).
 

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I no longer hear the voices in my head
 

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A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.


She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest wang."
 

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onboard
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A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.


She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest wang."
:what::roflmao:
 

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